The question of whether “once a cheater, always a cheater” brings another question close to mind. This question is – if you were in business with a partner and you discovered your partner was stealing money from the company, would you ever trust him or her again?
That is what infidelity is like… being in business with an embezzler.
You see, all humans share a common quality. From Moscow to China, through the US and even South Africa, we all want to be loved exclusively. And cheating or infidelity, or whatever term we may use to describe adultery, attacks the very essence of what we desire exclusively.
Some experts claim that a couple can get past the problem after a case of cheating and build a relationship better than before it happened. Research findings and opinion polls do not support this assertion. It is simply wishful thinking.
Other experts have come up with a stronger mantra which says – you can get past an extra-marital affair by your husband if both of you agree that an open and honest talk holds the key to a truce.
Again, critics have punctured holes in this school of thought.
The first hole is that the innocent party is not likely to get an honest account from the other party. If they told you exactly what was on their mind at each stage of the affair, it would end your relationship.
Let’s face it. Show me any woman that will keep a straight face when her husband confesses to her that he cheated because he found someone more desirable than her. Women can hardly handle such, especially when it comes to things like this.
The second hole is that there is a problem with talk as a cure. What kind of problem?
In such a talk, one person always has the most to gain. And in this case, the husband has the upper hand. The cheater always has something to gain because all the unfaithful party has to do is what they were supposed to do in the first place – talk… and of course, tell lies most of the time.
And what does the aggrieved wife get in return? A lifetime of wondering. That’s what she gets from the talking. She will keep on wondering whether the adulterous husband wouldn’t have strayed if she had been more responsive to his needs.
Talk keep people engaged. And if your husband is the crafty type, he will let you do the talking. This way you lose the initiative and lower your demands, lower your expectations and lower your resistance.
And if you ask me, this is not the same as getting past an affair.
Remaining together with a cheater sets up unpleasant situation. The unfaithful husband often tries to level the field by accusing the wife of also having an affair.
Even if that doesn’t happen, the cheating husband can accuse the wife each time of not forgiving him. So the issue then becomes- not who has cheated, but who failed to forgive. This way the tables are turned on the innocent spouse.
The issue of cheating in a marriage is similar to a parent losing a child to an accident or disease. They never forget that child. This is what catching your husband in adulterous acts can be compared to. You will be very suspicious of him afterwards. Just coming home late from work could make your flare up… thinking he is back to his old ways again.
Learn more in a special report at: