Triple Your Ability to Make Friends and Influence People

Big mistake: assuming that others communicate the same as you.

Have you ever experienced being able to relate easily and Comfortably with certain people yet other people are difficult To talk to? This article explains how this happens and how to solve this important problem.

Many an important project has been derailed because of poor communication. Do not make the BIG mistake of assuming that others communicate the same as you. All people do not communicate alike. Recognize that about two thirds of the people with whom you interact have a behavioral style different from yours. To be effective with these two thirds, you must learn to recognize and adapt your behavior to theirs — and your will triple your ability to make friends and influence people.

You will then have powerful tools for:

1. Gaining Commitment and Cooperation

2. Resolving and Preventing Conflict

3. Building Effective Teams

4. Providing Awesome Customer Service

5. Gaining Influence ___________________________________________________________

How to Be a Great Communicator–Lesson I.

To be a great communicator you must first:

1. Understand your own communication style.

2. Recognize other’s communication style.

3. Purposely adopt strategies for more effective communication.

To easily understand behavior-observe whether a person is:

1. Introverted or extroverted

2. Task oriented or people oriented

This gives you four communication styles:

1. Extroverted and task oriented

2. Extroverted and people oriented

3. Introverted and task oriented

4. Introverted and people oriented

To become a great communicator begin by observing yourself

1. Are you more introverted or extroverted. When challenged by a situation, do you hang back to see what develops and try to figure out the best way to handle the situation, or do you immediately step forward to meet the challenge. Note that neither approach is superior. They both have their advantages.

2. Are you task oriented or people oriented-more focused on getting the job done even at the expense of people, or is your first concern the reaction of the people involved?

3. Discover into which of the four categories (described above) you fall.

Understanding this about yourself will start you on your way to becoming a Great Communicator.

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Quick Method of Determining Your Behavioral Style – Lesson II

Knowing your own communication style is the first step in becoming a great communicator. It gives you a basis to understand to whom you naturally communicate well and what you need to do to connect well to people with other styles.

Take this quick assessment to understand your style. In each of the four category lists below there are 10 adjectives. Check all those in each category that would fit your behavior at work.

Read the four categories and select which adjectives come closest to describing you.

CATEGORY I __Adventuresome __Competitive __Daring __Decisive __Direct __Innovative __Persistent __Problem solver __Results oriented __Self-starter

CATEGORY II __Charming __Confident __Convincing __Enthusiastic __Inspiring __Optimistic __Persuasive __Popular __Sociable __Trusting

CATEGORY III __Amiable __Friendly __Good Listener __Patient __Relaxed __Sincere __Stable __Steady __Team Player __Understanding

CATEGORY IV __Accurate __Analytical __Conscientious __Diplomatic __Fact-finder __High standards __Quality Conscious __Patient __Precise

HOW TO SCORE Count the number of selected adjectives in each category. The category with the highest total is usually the one that best describes your style. You may have a second category with almost the same score. That would be your secondary style.

Undertannding Your Particular Style – Lesson III

After having completed the check list from last Lesson’s letter, you have determined your behavior falls into CATEGORY 1, 2, 3 or 4.

If Your Behavior is Like Category 1:

Category 1 Measures your Dominance; how you meet challenges. We will now refer to this as CATEGORY D [for Dominance.]

Your Strengths Are:

• Direct, results oriented

• Interested in getting the job done

• Enjoys challenges

• Like novelty and a fast paced environment

• A quick thinker

• A big picture person

• Have a lot of drive

• A natural leader

• Lets others know where you stand

• Takes charge

If your behavior is primarily described in category D, you are most likely a direct, results oriented person who enjoys challenges. An extrovert, you are interested in getting the job done. You like novelty and a fast paced environment. You want bottom line answers uncluttered by details. These strengths make you valuable to an organization because you cause action, get things done, even if it involves taking risks. You have a lot of drive and can make a good leader

Shortcomings of Category D:

However, you probably lack patience and cut people off with your direct bottom line approach. Your overriding concern with results tends to discount the people involved. You may be a poor listener and miss valuable insights from others. Under stress you may become insensitive.

How to Improve Your Effectiveness

You can improve your effectiveness by understanding that you need people. Learn patience and be less irritated when deadlines are missed. It would help you to be more tactful and concerned for the feelings and attitudes of others. People will be more cooperative when you explain your reasons for your conclusions. Endorse others for their contributions. Remember they like it as much as you. Genuine endorsement is a powerful motivator.

Flexing Your Style to Increase Your Effectiveness

People more like yourself will respond well to your direct, fast paced, decisive approach. You don’t have to flex your style with these people.

However, you will do well to modify your approach to people who behave more like described in the other three categories. Learn the three styles of other people and flex your style accordingly.