There’s something different about you. People sense it the moment you walk in the door. Is it in your smile, or the way wear your hair? Truly, there are countless manifestations of your canine obsession.
Here are the top ten:
#10: Stray hairs on your clothes.
White hairs make a mess of your black wool skirt, while black fur collects in tufts on your white fleece pullover. You’ve spent a small fortune on lint removers, but have finally given up. Shedding isn’t just for the dogs anymore.
#9: Pockets full of old bread bags (or mutt mitts).
Dog owners live by the Boy Scouts’ motto: Be prepared. After all accidents do happen, even on Mr. Smith’s meticulously manicured lawn. You’ll be ready when they do.
#8: You whistle to call your dog…and your kid.
In fact, you find it hard to distinguish between the two. Your wallet, desk, and the wallpaper on your Windows XP Desktop are packed with photos of Caesar.
#7: You’ve been caught on more than one occasion talking to your dog as if he were a person.
You pause patiently while the dog “answers” you. And you insist that he does answer!
#6: You like people your dog likes, and hate those she hates.
Instead of your parent’s approval, your dates must win Muffy’s favor. This has made dating almost impossible for you, since Muffy tends to be jealous of anyone who takes your attention away from her.
#5: You give out gifts that your dog “bought,” and sign cards from you and your dog.
Having given up on teaching Buford how to hold a pencil, you now ink up his paw to leave his print. Unfortunately he got away before you could wash it off, and now there’s a line of permanent black paw prints across the linoleum in the kitchen.
#4: You greet dogs by their names, but can’t remember the names of their owners.
“Dude” and “Ma’am” seem to work well in a pinch.
#3: You sleep huddled in the far corner of your bed while your dog sprawls out in the middle.
You don’t even mind when she snores, drools on your pillow, and steals the blankets.
#2: Your phone is programmed to speed dial the vet, groomer, dog trainer, pet store, and kennel.
What’s more, the clerks can identify you by your voice.
#1: On Christmas, instead of cookies, you bake doggie biscuits.
You have a recipe file of Princess’s favorite kinds, and make plates to deliver to all her doggy friends. Incidentally, she gets more presents than you do, and the ones you do get seem conspicuously related to dogs.