I hear it all the time. Couples come to me after going
through every other marriage improvement method under the sun and tell me they
experience a brief sense of relief from a certain program, but with passing of
time, they fall back into their old ways.
This got me thinking. With the millions of books and seminars
available to struggling couples on how to make a marriage last, why hasn’t the
divorce rate gotten any better?
I came to realize the reason is that expert advice is based on the core idea
that if you “do the right thing”, your problems will be solved.
If this core idea were actually true, the divorce rate would be
dropping. Its not.
For 27 years I struggled in a miserable marriage as I read every book,
attended every seminar, and listened to every tape set that I could in an effort
to find out why my marriage was so difficult.
These resources gave me advice like, “start holding your wifes hand to
reignite intimacy in your relationship”. At the time, that was the LAST
thing I felt like doing. I was so loaded with resentment towards my wife, I
could hardly stand to be in the same room with her let alone hold hands!
This advice (like all other advice) was telling me to do good, then you
will feel good.
But then I realized this simple truth: You have to FEEL GOOD
FIRST, before you can do good things for your marriage.
Finally after my 27 years of searching for an answer to my marriage problems,
I discovered how to eliminate my negative feelings in 60 seconds. And ever since then, my relationship with my wife has never been the same.
Throughout those years, I discovered a SECOND secret of what it takes to make
a marriage last…a secret that no other author or speaker was talking
Let me explain…
After you attend a marriage seminar, counseling session or any other means of
marriage improvement, something happens inside your brain that makes you fall
back into your old ways…even if it seemed to help at the moment.
That something is a set of “instructions” on how to be married which was
given to you during your childhood by your parents.
If you’re a woman, your mother showed you how to treat a man by the way she
treated her husband. If you’re a man, your father showed you how to treat
a woman by the way he treated his wife.
These “instructions” are NEVER addressed, NEVER found or discussed in
marriage seminars or books.
They are the “master program” that you will always follow unless you identify
and replace them with a different, more positive set of instructions.
Your original instructions on how to be married were put into your brain by
your parents during your first ten years on earth.
I call these instructions, your “Invisible Lifestyle”.
The reason they are invisible is the same reason why, when youre standing
too close to a tree, you cannot see the forest. You must step back, far
back before you begin to see the forest.
In the same way, you are living the way your parents showed you to
live…OR…you are living your life the OPPOSITE way you were shown. Either
way, what’s driving your day-to-day actions is very hard to see.
These instructions are what you will default back to for the rest of your
life…UNLESS you find them, dismantle them and replace them with what you now
believe in. There is a definite method to do this but only those with a
real desire should attempt it. Find out more about your Invisible Lifestyle at our site to help you:
Improve your marriage