Good conversation involves taking turns – one speaks whilst another listens, and then you swap over. This may seem obvious, but many people are not good listeners, often because they are not relaxed, they are worrying about what to say. Confidence in oneself underlies the ability to listen well.
It’s funny, but people who worry about what they are going to say, or worry that they may be expected to make a comment, end up sabotaging themselves. It creates a self-fulfilling prophesy; in focusing on their worry, their attention is directed inwards, to the inner ramblings of their mind. They think about the “what ifs” of their feared circumstance (creating horror movies in their mind) and the result is that they have no real idea of what is going on around them. They are acutely aware of each breath they take, the sensation perhaps of having sweaty palms, their fear of their voice sounding like a thread squeak, and become so involved in their internal musings that they haven’t been listening. And this is fatal to any converstaion, let alone good conversation.
If, on the other hand, you were to intentionally focus upon listening, listening acutely to every word and watching every motion and movement which the current speaker makes, you will, at the very least, know where the conversation is heading. Not only that, it is most likely (and almost guaranteed) that such listening piques your interest, and as you absorb what is being said your mind automatically cross-references this new input with the data already stored within your mind and triggers off new thoughts and ideas. Hey presto, you have a natural store of food for further conversation. Simply by listening you have overcome the things which you have feared – you now have something to say, something which is relevant and therefore of interest to the other party.
The other thing about intentionally directing yourself to listen is that you distract yourself from your fears and worries, and so you automatically remain calm, relaxed and comfortable. Again, by listening, you take steps to ensure that your “imaginary worst case scenario” (your self created horror movie) does not turn into reality.
Some people cover up their discomfort in other ways. Instead of withdrawing into themselves they do the opposite, and they try to leap in and be heard at every possible moment, be it appropriate or not. Here, the person has learnt how to cope with the spotlight but is still not relaxed about it. A friend of mine uses a neat little method to control this pattern of interaction; she takes a small ball into meetings and everyone knows that whoever holds the ball is the current speaker and no-one else can speak until the ball is handed to them. This is simple, yet effective. It teaches one when to speak and when to wait and listen and leads to an altogether better pattern of conversation.
If you are aware that conversation does not flow easily and naturally for you, just having that awareness is the first step on the way to change. Being relaxed and listening are the keys to good conversation and the thing which underpins it all is confidence. Confidence is not innate, it is learned and you can learn to be confident with the help of hypnosis confidence downloads.
Hypnosis is a state of relaxation. It’s normal and natural and empowering because it allows access to your subconscious mind. Fear of hypnosis only comes from not knowing what it is. Try it for yourself and you will realize how relaxing and calming it is. You can get a free hypnosis download from my website and then you can see how hypnosis confidence opens your mind to new and wonderful possibilities.
The only way in which you will know what to say and how to say it, automatically and effortlessly, in every circumstance, is to learn to relax and to listen properly. You can do this with hypnosis confidence.
Roseanna Leaton, specialist in hypnosis downloads for hypnosis confidence.