The Fat Blogger.

Ladies and gentleman of the jury, it is my contention that the blogoshpere is in fact a dangerous place to live.
Bad for one’s physical health.
Nice place to visit… but not to inhabit.

And today, I intend to prove beyond all reasonable doubt that there exists an indisputable relationship between the advent of the blogoshpere and the physical decline of modern society.

While the sociological, educational, psychological, emotional and potential commercial benefits have been well documented, it is the dire physiological consequences which are often overlooked and need to be evaluated and considered, should one wish to be a regular traveller to the blogosphere, also known as… Fat City.

A year ago (pre-blogoshpheric outings) this writer was a finely-tuned elite athlete, complete with incredible eye-sight, amazing posture, deltoids like bowling balls, the lung capacity of a cross-country skier, arms like a pro-wrestler and the waist of an Olympic gymnast (my blog, my fairytale accurate, historical account).

Twelve months down the track I have the eye-sight of an ninety year-old man, the posture of a fourteen year-old girl with no self-esteem, lungs like a long-term smoker, arms like a fat accountant and the waist of a sixty five year-old taxi driver.

I look like a donut with hair on top.

Spending an increased amount of time at my computer over the last year has seen my overall energy expenditure (how many calories I burn each day) plummet.
And this decline has facilitated an increase in my… er, dimensions.
I’m not putting any more cals in, just using less.
My daily energy expenditure is now somewhere behind that of the dugong and the hibernating bear.

I’m still training five days per week but when I’m not lifting or cycling, generally I’m doing what I’m doing right now (or similar); burning about four calories per hour.

What us geeks refer to as ‘incidental and occupational activity’ (the cals we burn doing our job and the cals we burn incidentally over a normal day)… is down.
Way down.
Through the floor.
Sure I still exercise, but when I’m not exercising, I’m a statue.

And contrary to popular belief (desperate hope), those excess cals don’t convert to massive pecs. Just yesterday I looked up the term ‘lard-ass’ in my illustrated dictionary and there was a picture of me blogging.

My goldfish has a higher BMR (cals burned at rest) than I do.
And he’s only two inches long.
Sure, he swims twenty four hours a day… but it still ain’t fair.
He doesn’t even cross-train!.

If I was to get all sciencey (yep, a word), I’d say that there exists a direct correlation between my time on the keyboard and the magnitude of my gut. And I may even hypothesize that there exists an inverse relationship between time spent blogging and my level of aerobic fitness.
And I could definitely postulate that blogging can in fact shorten one’s life expectancy.

I’d even suggest that we could put the terms ‘smoking, junk food and excessive computer-use’ all in the one basket; the ‘bad-for-your-health’ basket.

Okay, right now shut your eyes for a few seconds and visualise an auditorium full of bloggers.
Waddya see?
Not pretty is it?
Rest my case.

Research (mine) tells me that it ain’t just bloggers (specifically) who are at risk, it’s all frequenters of the Internet and computer-users in general. So for the duration of this little monologue of mine, feel free to inter-change the term ‘blogger’ with ‘relevant computer-user’ (for you)… you may be a blogger, a kid who spends his or her life playing computer games, someone who sits at a computer for their job, a student or yer run-o-the-mill Internet junkie.

Okay, I may be manipulating reality a weeny bit when it comes to my current physical state but the truth is that I have gained some pounds, my eyesight is degenerating and I constantly need to be mindful of my posture.
(The twenty four cheesecakes I received for my birthday may have been a factor!!!)

While the Internet and computers in general are an amazing resource, I am being totally serious (something new) when I say that there is a very real physical cost for sitting at a keyboard for so many hours.
If we computer users do not have a practical approach to counter the effects of sitting for such extended periods of time, we will suffer the physical consequences… not probably or maybe; definitely.

So…
Over the last month I have developed a very time-efficient, cost-effective (free), practical exercise strategy to deal with ‘computer-itis’; I’ve called it ‘The Computer Junkie’s Guide to Fitness’ and anyone can do it, anywhere.

Realising that most of us are not (necessarily) passionate about exercise, I have designed something which is practical, realistic, effective and will suit any fitness level.

It takes about four to eight minutes, is done every hour you’re at your computer, requires no change of clothes and no gym equipment. It ain’t gonna get you a place on the Olympic team but it will absolutely change how you look, feel and function if you do it.

See…. one of the benefits of connecting with a blogger who is also an exercise scientist is that after you become addicted to my blog, I can help you fix your crappy posture and do something about your love handles.

Program tomorrow.