Most people live full-time with their parents for 18 years. If you meet the one whom you are meant to be with before you are 30 years old, you will hopefully end up spending more than 30 years with them.
This means that you will be spending more than double the time with your spouse than you spent with your parents.
With such a large amount of time being spent with another person, it is a given that you are going to clash now and again.
Sometimes, however, the fighting gets so bad that one or the other of you may decide to quit your relationship all together. So how do you save a relationship that seems to be headed down the toilet?
1) Recognize Reality
The first thing you have to do is recognize why you are fighting.
Are you fighting because you are truly mad at each other, or are you fighting because you are upset that some jerk at your office accused you of something you did not do?
You live together and are friends, of course, so it makes sense that you take out your moods and pent-up emotions on each other. However, this can cause a lot of problems. Before your anger escalates to the boiling point, stop and figure out exactly why you are angry.
If you are frustrated about something at work, let your lover know. They are the person you should be able to turn to when things aren’t going the way you want them to.
2) Find the Calm
The calmer you are, the more likely your spouse will be to take you seriously. People are more likely to listen to the words of a calm person than they are to someone who would not stop ranting and raving.
One way in which you can learn to remain calm is to take up meditation or yoga. Simple breathing techniques that are taught in these disciplines can help you to learn to stay calm, even in the midst of a really difficult argument.
When you learn these breathing techniques, you may be able to stave off the argument entirely, which is one way to help save your relationship.
3) Agree to Disagree
No two people are going to agree on everything all of the time. It would be a pretty boring world if we all did!
One of my male friend’s, John, believes that his daughter should not have earrings until she is 14, while his wife (also someone I know) believe that she should be allowed to have them anytime after the age of four.
This is an argument that threatened to tear both my friend and his spouse apart.
Finally, upon my advice, they both agreed to disagree about the earring situation.
They figured that, when she got older, she would convince him herself.
Sometimes you have to put aside your strong feelings and realize that your lover has strong feelings, as well. It is perfectly all right to agree to disagree!
Instead of fighting against each other, come together and work for, or against, something. If you have children, work toward giving them the best life you can give them.
If you are against something in your town, work toward getting it resolved. If you’re into sports, join a team together.
The couple that plays together, stays together!
5) Dance and Romance
When my boyfriend and I first got together, we used to spend hours just talking late at night. We would both be exhausted the next morning from the time we spent awake, chatting with each other.
As our relationship got further and further apart, we realized that we never stayed up talking anymore. One evening the music was on and I grabbed him and started dancing around the room with him.
The simple act made us happy and made us realize how much we loved just being in each other’s arms.
Dance and romance your partner. Sometimes swaying slowly together in a darkened kitchen is one of the nicest ways to reconnect.
Relationships are tricky things. When you put two people together for a long amount of time, they are bound to fight and bicker. If the bickering gets bad enough, things can disassemble quite quickly.
Find ways to show your lover how much you care about them. Put silly little love notes in their lunchbox. Write a message in the steam on the bathroom mirror, so that the next time they take a shower they will see the message.
Grab some lipstick and write “I love you” on their car window while they’re at work or busy doing something else. Realize that nobody’s perfect, and focus more on reconnecting with your loved one rather than winning a battle.