I guess we all know someone who will not “own” their own problems but instead prefer to share them. “A problem shared is a problem halved” is what we are taught. Perhaps; perhaps not.
One of the indicators of this lack of “ownership” is when someone uses the term “we”. When someone wants you to share their problem and begins a sentence with “we need…” you are immediately put on red alert to the fact that they wish to share their problem with you. They perhaps do not wish to take responsibility for their problem.
Of course, we like the term “we” when it is used in reference to something which you might wish to share in. In business a good leader (and a good team member) will always refer to “we” instead of “I”, indicating that everybody is working as a team and any success is due to collective effort. It is a symbol of recognition and appreciation, an acknowledgment that each and every person is valuable to the overall outcome.
In a good partnership your possessions would usually be referred to as “ours” instead of “yours” or “mine”. In fact, when one person in a marriage refers to the marital home as “mine” it indicates that this is how they think about it…the other person (in their mind) does not own it to the same degree as you do. The “I” instead of “we” when used in reference to the marital home and possessions are likely symbolic of a deeper current of feeling and emotion.
I digress; returning to the subject of a problem shared is a problem halved, in your experience is this truly the case? Or is it instead an opportunity to wallow in the muddy waters of despair and distract oneself from the act of looking for a solution? Certainly, this will depend upon who you choose to share your problem with.
The fact will always remain that nobody else can solve your problems for you; they can merely prompt you to explore your feelings and options in an attempt to assist you in the act of moving forwards. You will only move forwards if you wish to do so. If you find yourself going back to the “same old, same old” then clearly you are not ready to move on.
Once you have made that commitment to “owning” your problem, you will be amazed how clearly you see your solution and how easy it is to move on. But so long as you do not recognize that the problem is yours, and do not claim it for your own, then you will return again and again to the “same old, same old”.
Needless to say, when you are ready to move on, there are plenty of ways in which you can get help. At such a time “a problem shared is a problem halved” can be said with a resounding ring of truth.
Roseanna Leaton, specialist in hypnotherapy mp3s for change.
P.S. You can grab a free hypnosis mp3 from my website if you like.