Selfish or SELF Preservation?

I once saw a sitcom where a woman was being scolded by her spouse for taking a little time for herself. Instead of letting her spouse guilt her, she pounced back with, “It’s not selfish, it’s self preservation!” I loved it! And, it is!

If you’re going to lead a life you feel great about, it’s time to reframe the notion that going after your dream is selfish. It’s not! Rather, it’s what needs to happen if you’re going to honor your heart, soul and purpose in life.

(A quick note: When I talk about “being selfish”, I’m not talking about the kind of selfish behavior kids are often punished for. You know, the “it’s all about me and what I want” kind of selfish. Rather, I’m talking about a grown up, take care of yourself, so you can take care of others kind of selfish. Honoring your needs and wants is NOT selfish, if you do so from a place of caring for yourself and others.)

I see so many people who deprive themselves of what they really want, or feel guilty for getting what they want, and I don’t want that to happen to you!

You deserve to have what you want. Let me say it again, YOU deserve to have whatever it is you want. A gorgeous house, a lot of money, a happy life, a boat, success – whatever! You deserve it!

Why is it so hard to give yourself what you really want?

There are two traps most of us fall in to:

1. We wait for approval and permission from others.

2. We think we’re being selfish or greedy for wanting what we want.

Do you ever hesitate giving yourself what you want because you’re not sure what other people will say? Or do you stop yourself from taking action on your hearts’ desire because you’d like your parents (spouses, friends) blessing first?

For a long time I stayed in a job that had grown old and stale because I was afraid of what people might think if I quit a “good job” and did what I really wanted to do: start my own business.

Finally, and with a lot of encouragement from some good friends, I found the courage to do it, without anyone else’s permission or approval. And you know what? It was the best thing I ever did! And you know what else? When I stood confidently in my decision, others applauded me. Patted me on the back. Wished me good luck! Some even called me an inspiration!

Give yourself what you want! If something makes you happy, excites you or interests you, don’t wait for someone else to give you the go ahead – give yourself permission to go for it.

Same goes for trap #2: You are not selfish or greedy for wanting what you want. We live in an abundant universe. By making a lot of money you are not taking money from someone else. By giving yourself rich life experiences you are not looking down on those that don’t or can’t. In fact, the more you have the more you can GIVE AWAY. And that’s hardly selfish or greedy.


If you want to get a massage every two weeks, get one!

If you want to start your own business, start your own business!

If you want to be rich – do what you need to do to become a wealth magnet!

So, what is YOU really want?

Copyright (c) 2006 Cari Vollmer