I moved into a new home a few weeks ago. Next week my mother, who is in her eighties, will be moving as well. Moving house is meant to be one of the top few causes of stress in modern day living. These days we move home far more frequently than our ancestors did. Perhaps this is why I found my last move to be pretty easy, and I have to say, not at all stressful.
My mother, on the other hand has been experiencing anxiety and stress ever since the decision was made to move. She is the type of person who worries about what might go wrong, and I often find myself observing that there is no point worrying about something that is in all likelihood not going to happen. Even when I took her on holiday earlier this year I did not tell her what was planned until a relatively short period of time beforehand – so that she had less time to worry. Once on holiday, of course, my mum had a great time; everything went well and the trip was entirely stress-free. The only stress experienced was before the holiday as a result of her own imagination.
Some of us tend to be more prone to experiencing anxiety and tension than others, and nearly all of us become more anxious as we get older. Things which in the past we would have found straight forward and simple become less easy to deal with. It can be difficult for a child to see ones parents becoming less able and less confident, but it is far more difficult for the parent who is frustrated by their inability to do that which they used to do.
My mum is moving into my home. It is a beautiful and comfortable home; everything is new and modern. Yet to someone who worries even this can be stressful. Because the carpet is new, mum worries about dropping something on it. Because the cooker is different, she worries about how to use it. Even the positioning of light switches has become a source of worry. The good news is that I know that once my mum has moved none of these worries will actually become a reality. She will have a warm and spacious home, in the centre of town, with family at close hand. She will still have her independence and I’m sure she will be comfortable and happy.
If you were to take age out of this equation and simply examine the effect of different attitudes, one can easily see the great and inexorable impact of one’s own beliefs and expectations. I saw my move as great, and simply a matter of organization. In the week before the move boxes were packed as efficiently as possible, the removal firm came on the designated day and put everything into their van and delivered it into the new home. A little bit of unpacking and job done! Time for dinner and a glass of champagne to celebrate!
By contrast, my mother’s move already seems to have been happening for weeks and endless weeks. I had planned to do it for her…but this was never going to happen. Every day something is examined, wrapped and either boxed or given away. More and more boxes pile up, more and more chaos reigns…More and more anxiety and stress is experienced. The expectation of it being stressful makes it stressful for my mother. Her own expectations that the move would be difficult are what make it increasingly more difficult.
Unfortunately my mother always does things her own way and she is not the best listener. I only wish that she was, as then we, her family, could help more. Ironically, in my profession as a hypnotherapist, I help people with stress all of the time. I know how to show someone how to relax with hypnosis, but only when I have a willing subject. The fact is that stress, anxiety and tension are caused by oneself; you think yourself into experiencing events or circumstances as stressful. If you are willing, anybody and everybody, no matter what age you are, can learn to relax and relieve stress and tension with a little help from hypnosis.
Hypnosis is a state of relaxation which also allows access to your subconscious mind, the part where deep rooted habits and beliefs are held. Thus hypnosis allows you to change even these deep rooted habits, beliefs and expectations. You can change instinctive tendencies with the help of hypnosis mp3s or hypnosis cds. You can learn to see that your glass is half full as opposed to half empty…so long as you are willing.
Roseanna Leaton, specialist in hypnosis downloads for relief of stress, tension and anxiety.