To ensure a healthy, thriving relationship, it is essential that you preserve your own unique essence. You are a gift to every relationship you enter into. Your personal values, dreams, and desires add distinctiveness and spice that only you can bring. If you believe the myth that when you enter into a relationship you should become one with the other person, you will lose the true rewards a loving partnership can bring.
Maintaining your own uniqueness, and preserving the “me” when you are attempting to create a healthy, happy “we”, is a common problem with couples whether you’re still in that newlywed stage of romance or have been together for decades.
Some people spend so much time with their partner that they experience a sense of loss and feel alone when theyre separated from them for any period of time. This is a clue that you’re starting to lose “you”. When you nurture your own personal values, dreams, and desires, you maintain your sense of self. By doing this, you are more able to give all of beautiful gifts you have to offer to your relationship when you do spend time as a couple:
Here are seven tips for nurturing and maintaining youre your unique sense of self:
1. Spend an evening reading. Make sure you read books that engage you, or just make you feel good. If youve been waiting to get your hands on a particular book, take a few minutes now and schedule time to read it. Quiet time at home, enjoying a good book without any interruptions can energize you and bring new life into your relationship.
2. Go places that you’ve wanted to go but haven’t done so because your partner wasn’t interested. Watch a movie that youve wanted to see, visit that museum with the interesting exhibit, or take those dance lessons you’ve always been curious about. Dont deny yourself something you want to experience just because your partner doesnt share your interest.
3. Visit your family. Spending time with your family can help you keep a relationship strong. Often, when we get involved with a new love interest, we forget to take the time to visit family. Strong family ties remind us that we belong to a loving community– one that is with us whether we’re in a romantic relationship or not.
4. Don’t let your friends fall by the wayside–go out with them. Spending time with your friends allows you to let loose and be yourself, without worrying about how youre coming across to the other person.
5. Continue being involved in what you love to do. If youre a golfer and your partner isnt, theres no reason you shouldnt take a day for a round of golf. If you like to sew, spend a day doing that. Just because your partner finds it boring, doesnt mean you should now find it boring. It was fun for you before and it’s almost guaranteed that it will still be fun for you now.
6. Pamper yourself! Enjoy a bubble bath or whirlpool. Or get a massage. Make yourself feel good and get re-energized for the next time you and your partner are together.
7. Identify what you value most. Getting in touch with who you are at that core level will allow you to maintain your ability to give. Download our free values exercise that you can find by visiting our web site. When you have finished the exercise, make a list of things you can do to satisfy those values. Next time you feel lonely, take out your list and schedule time to do something on it.
A healthy relationship requires me as much as we time. Be sure to plan a healthy dose of both in your relationship.