Overcoming Self Defeating Thinking

Born to Win

You were born to win. Your creator has given you everything you need to be happy and successful. You can change your life. You can change from being average or above-average to a winner. You can achieve ultimate happiness and success. A total winner enjoys success with work and love. A total winner is someone who is having a great time achieving vocational goals and personal and family goals. A total winner achieves ultimate happiness and success.

Your Internal Messages

Do you remember your parents and other important people saying personal things about you? I vividly recall my beloved aunt Julie looking straight at me with her vivid blue eyes and saying, “You can be anything you want.” I know that has been a strong positive influence throughout my life.

I also remember my stepfather telling me many times, “Don’t get too big for your britches.” This also has influenced my life, but in a negative way. Negative messages like this are called injunctions.

Some injunctions are less direct. Families may say something like, “Our family has always been members of the working poor,” “Women belong in the home,” or “Business people are just money grabbers.”

You also tend to treat yourself like your parents treated you. If they were kind, encouraging and supportive, even when you made mistakes, you will treat yourself the same way and feel good about yourself. On the other hand, if your parents were harsh, critical and demeaning, you will tend to do the same thing to yourself and feel badly about yourself.

Feeling badly about yourself hurts your self-esteem. In my previous newsletters, I explained how high self-esteem correlates with high achievement. Do you feel like you are still being influenced by negative messages from your family? Your negative messages create self-defeating thinking and beliefs. They will stand in your way of achieving ultimate happiness and success. To overcome their influence, you first have to become aware of them and replace them with positive messages. This is not an easy task without the help of others — a professional trained in this area.

Freeing yourself from the influence of negative messages is essential if you want to have a positive self concept that empowers you to be a winner.


You were born to win, but negative messages from parental figures can block you from your birthright-ultimate happiness and success. You need to become aware of these messages and take steps to replace them with positive messages.