Did you know that the amount of eye contact you make is crucial to how people judge you? It’s true. People who fail to make enough eye contact are seen as less confident, less capable, and maybe even less honest.
As Julius fast wrote in his book Body Language, Of all parts of the human body that are used to transmit information, the eyes are the most important and can transmit the most subtle nuances.
What’s more, shy people may think that they are making plenty of eye contact when in reality they are not making nearly enough! This makes the problem of no eye contact + shy men more serious.
But how much eye contact should you make? I once conducted a rather interesting (albeit inadvertent) experiment in a restaurant. I initiated conversation with the waitress, but made only adequate eye contact. My companion however, gazed at the waitress intently and seemed to be clinging to her every word. Soon, the waitress was focusing the conversation almost entirely on my companion!
I was making eye contact, sure. But it was only occasional, while my companion’s was constant. This demonstrated to me the potent power of good eye contact! Perhaps a waitress thought I wasn’t paying total attention to what she was saying since my gaze averted occasionally.
What’s more, research indicates that people who like each other tend to make more eye contact than those who don’t. Is it too much of a leap, then, to extrapolate from this that making constant eye contact can actually cause people to like us better?Indeed, intense eye contact is one of the key components to flirting. It is certainly safe to say that making good eye contact is one of the key components to showing interest in other people and establishing friendliness.
Another little mentioned benefit of god eye contact is that it helps you to impress the face of a new acquaintance more fully in your mind. This will help to ensure that you recognize that person when you see him or her later, as well is helping you to remember the name. This can greatly ease the fear many people have of forgetting people’s names, or even, in the more extreme cases, of failing to recognize someone they met earlier, if they should meet him on the street or in a different setting.
A good rule of thumb to help alleviate the problem of no eye contact + shy men is to make eye contact at least 90% of the time you are talking to someone. Don’t obsess over it, but do make it a goal.