Moving onto a Fulfilling Life Following a Traumatic Divorce

Obesity, insomnia and drug addiction are often symptoms of emotional trauma. They are aberrations, in some way or the other, to a normal and healthy way of life. But what if life is itself thrown off the course? Perhaps, going overboard is the best way to ‘normalise’ things again. Divorce is one such crisis when life runs amok, and some amount of effort is needed to make the music play again.

The Choices

And you are suddenly alone now. If the hole left by your spouse in your heart is great enough, but if the children have also left, then the emptiness can be quite unbearable. What would you do now? Broadly speaking, there are only two choices left to you, constructive and destructive. With the first and easier path you destroy a lot of things, including a good deal of your bank balance, and perhaps your strength too. The other path requires a lot of uphill walking on your part, but you also stand the chance to recreate life out of the ashes.

The Mess – Forgetting and Forgiving

If you have had a bad divorce, things are even worse. Insult had been added to the deepest injury possible, and you feel that everyone around you is either laughing at you, or secretly conspiring against you to let you down in some way. The anger that you are feeling is justified, but is there any use in letting it burn you up? The only way to overcome the greatest defeat of your life is by forgetting about the worst parts of it and forgiving your spouse, because remember, he or she is also human, just like you, and not entirely untouched by all the upheaval.

The Way Out

As mentioned earlier, there are two paths, with not much left in the middle to make you feel comfortable and non-committal.

The Destructive Way

This is obviously the more attractive way of managing life after divorce. Let us look at some of the most common choices.

  • Bad Habits: A good part of the divorced population of the UK is drowning its sorrows in the pub every day. Nothing is more depressing as a drunk man or woman spewing out all the hidden grief of matters that are supposed to be private to the point of being sacred. Ease is the catchword of the destructive way to readjust oneself. It is equally easy to let the bitterness go up in smoke as you puff through cigarettes, drugs, or any of those harmful and costly objects that leave you sick, poor and sadder than before.
  • Lifestyle Changes: One of the favourite excuses doing the rounds of consumer and lifestyle circuits is ‘retail therapy’. The bright idea is to go to a huge mall and splurge till the shopping bags are spilling over your arms and you have stuffed yourself so full of food that the sight of a burger is enough to make you throw up. You can give your home a makeover, showering money on useless luxuries. You can buy a wardrobe that would make you too ashamed to wear any of it, pairs of uncomfortable shoes, expensive perfume that nobody wears to office – and that’s the only place you visit regularly now.
  • The Binge Factor: There are other toys – brightly coloured cars, a tour to Africa or the Far East, or incredibly designer gadgets. This is all part of the binge you are on, and you are in a way, quite drunk. You may still remain ‘respectable’, in all eyes except the ones in the mirror.
  • The internet: The escapist’s paradise. At almost no cost, you can be anyone you want to be, and get to meet fascinating, charming and equally bogus people. There are those who go for a more wholesome use of social networking and strike beautiful friendships. But there are the gamers who do not want to stop clicking even in the bath, and those who lose sleep and appetite to stalk chat rooms.

The Constructive Way

This does not need so much elaboration. It is just that balance that you need to strike amidst all the chaos. The day you enjoy shopping, drink for fun, and buy jewellery you can really wear – you are healed. Get into a fitness schedule, take up hobbies, go dating, surf the net – but don’t shy away from facing facts and forgiving your ex. That way, you can avoid further disasters.