When I wrote the eReport "How I Got 700 Dates in One Year" it caused a little controversy — usually amongst women.
A lot of women think that multiple or serial dating is a no-no, something that only dysfunctional people do. Well I got news for you. Everything is situational. Anyone that has followed my writings would know that that is my theme.
I would be the first one to agree that a person who "multiple" or "serial" dates with no intention of ever doing anything else would have at least some major "relating" issues.
But, serial dating applied in the right context is not only not dysfunctional, but it is quite the opposite. Serial dating done to get a better understanding of the opposite sex, so you can figure out who you like, and what you like, and what kinds of people like you, is about the most mentally healthy thing you can do.
What do you think most parents tell their teenage sons and daughters?
They tell them: "Don’t get serious with one person, you need to date and meet a lot of girls/guys."
Now believe it or not, this teenage advice can also be very good advice for adults.
First of all, most adults never followed their parents advice and dated lots of people. Most people seem to have a pattern of hooking up with the first "acceptable" person who shows them some real interest.
Unfortunately, there is a big difference between "acceptable" and "ideal" and also unfortunately most people usually continue this pattern of hooking up with the first "acceptable" person who comes along well into adulthood.
We call this "compromising" or "settling" and ultimately it leads to unhappiness in relationships, and a failure to understand the opposite sex.
You see there are many different types of people in the world and, believe it or not, there is someone for everyone. But the problem is you may have to meet a hell of a lot of people to find that one someone.
Another problem is that many people are so confused about life and relationships and people, they don’t really have any idea of what kind of personality is a good match for them. They base their ideals off of the Hollywood imagery of what they think they want.
The cure is simple. When you date and meet lots of people, sooner or later you figure it out for yourself. It’s a natural process. You get comfortable with people, you realize that everyone is different, and that different types of people like different types of people. Eventually you figure out what kind of person you are and what kind of people you get along with best.
Mom and Dad’s teenage words of wisdom are good for everyone.
I was browsing a website recently and I saw a "snippet" by Stanley R Medley that really drives home the point. Here it is:
The only reason
I ever got
I never went out
with enough women
to begin with–
kind of put me
at a disadvantage
when it came to
Sex is a natural thing.
If you meet enough women
it comes easy.
But finding the right women
is a little harder.
I’d call it work.
But if you meet enough
Sooner or later,
One will like you,
and you will like one of them.
it’s the same one.
(c)Stanley R. Medley 2007
Now Mr. Stanley R. Medley writes with a sense of wisdom and a sense of humor. But the point is he got it right.
I wouldn’t advise anyone to go out of 700 dates in a year for the hell of it, not even 100 dates. But if you want to understand the opposite sex and get a perspective on things, or if you just want to meet that person you’ve always been looking for and then stop and settle down, "multiple" or "serial" dating might just be for you.
(C) 2007 Dating To Relating, Inc.