Why do we lose our love when others are behaving egotistically? What is the danger for us? We might answer that it is natural not to love an egotistical person. But what is our danger here? Are we losing self-worth, security, freedom, control or pleasure? Perhaps we are offended by our own egotism that reflects in the others’ behavior?
If the others were five years old, would we be offended and outraged by their egotistical behavior? Or would we continue to love them, while we explained to them that this behavior is not pleasant and that we would prefer that they not behave in this way? We might even ignore them because they do not know better. Would we feel danger? Then why do we feel danger from an egotistical adult? What danger exists for us from that adult that does not exist from the child?
The answer is probably: No, there is no danger from an egotistical adult. Most probably we lose our love for egotistical persons, because we perceive them as “bad” and because they remind us of our own egotistical aspects.
We could love them even when they are egotistical and cold and uncaring once we realize that this behavior is a result of their fear, pain and inner emptiness. They cannot be happy inside to behaving in this way. They are lonely and not feeling love or unity with those around them.
They need our understanding and love – not our rejection and hate. We need to see them as children in need of love and understanding. We attract from others that which we perceive in them.
We are being asked in this case to connect with the divine consciousness behind the others’ alienated and suffering mind and love them regardless of their behavior. We are being asked to be bigger than our own personality and connect with our soul nature in order to perceive their soul nature and love them as they are.
That does not mean that we do not ask them to become more interested in others and make an effort to care for and respond to others needs. We can feel comfortable asking this, when we do not reject them but are sincerely seeking to help them feel better.
Loving those who ignore or do not respond to our needs
23. When they ignore my needs.
Why should others respond to or fulfill our needs? Why is this a prerequisite for us to love them? Why is this a prerequisite for us to feel that they love us? Are we always able to fulfill or respond to their needs? When we are unable to fulfill or respond to others needs, or choose not to, is it because we do not love them, or because we are obstructed by our needs, fears, and various inner obstacles?
Perhaps we can let go of this prerequisite for love and choose to love others even when they cannot or choose not to fulfill our needs. This would be a much higher level of love. Love without their satisfying our needs, such as self-worth, security, freedom, and pleasure – love simply for loves sake.
Loving someone who does not fulfill our needs is a wonderful opportunity to develop selfless love. This is our challenge in this scenario.
We often believe that others do not love us, when they do not respond to our needs. It may be that they do love us but are not able to respond because of their differing needs, values and perceptions or because they are controlled by various attachments and attachments. If we examine ourselves, we will find that we are not able to facilitate all of our loved ones needs, even though we do love them.
Again we have every right to communicate effectively and negotiate for what we need from those persons. But this can be done without the blackmail of withholding love if they do not respond. They are much more likely to respond when they feel that our love is there regardless of what they do.
From the book “Love is The Choice”
by Robert Elias Najemy