It is said that we learn from our mistakes, and the majority of us do (some more quickly than others). But some people revisit similar situations time and time again and do not seem to learn. What is it that makes a person do this?
Examples of this can be seen in many different areas of life. Take alcohol for instance. Some people just stop drinking as soon as they realize that a hangover is an unpleasant experience; others proceed to nurse a hangover on a weekly basis. The same diverse reaction can be seen in relation to drugs. In relationships some people move from a bad relationship into one which works well, whilst others will “choose a bastard” time and again.
What is it about some people’s psyche which allows them to learn such lessons well? Those who have had their fingers burned time and again would surely like to know the answer to this question. The answer may lie in how one perceives pain or pleasure and how one has learned to focus upon something or to distract oneself.
Richard Bandler highlighted the fact that women who consistently “went back to a bastard” tended to have a habit of focusing on the good times as opposed to the bad and so as they focused upon pleasurable sensations they more easily turned a blind eye to the bad things which had happened. In contrast, those who managed to leave the relationship and stay away once and for all were seen to have gotten into the habit of running the bad things over and over in their mind, hence the painful sensations reminded them to stay away.
If you know someone who has had a series of affairs with people who are married you may be somewhat puzzled as to why they keep revisiting similar situations which always end in tears. They have clearly overcome the mental hurdle of feeling that they are doing something wrong; that is no longer stopping them, and so they have learned to turn a blind eye to it.
Instead they are perhaps focusing upon the greater feeling of excitement and anticipation which this type of relationship elicits, as they can never quite know when they can meet up next, or how much time they can be together; liaisons are in this way “rationed” and therefore hold more tantalizing appeal. Add to this the fact that the other person is “something which you can never quite have”, and so also holds a greater challenge.
There are in fact many aspects of an affair which make it elicit more intense emotions than a more conventional relationship would, but no matter what these are, the fact remains that the person involved is clearly focusing more upon the pleasure aspects than upon those which are painful. If that person was instead to run over and over and over again in their mind the devastating sensations felt when the last affair came to an end, they would almost certainly think twice before entering into a similar relationship a second time.
There are of course deeper issues than just pain and pleasure which are involved. Your upbringing plays a major role, including the impact of things which are familiar or unfamiliar to you. We do tend to gravitate to that which is familiar. The morals instilled within your upbringing will also dictate what you may or may not be comfortable with. Your upbringing may not have provided you with grounds for empathy or for high levels of confidence and self-worth; the role of “victim” may indeed feel familiar and therefore more comfortable to you.
It is also true that when you partake of “bad” relationships your levels of self confidence can easily take a severe tumble. There are many, many reasons why one person learns a lesson easily and yet another person does not. But one major thing which can be done which would help everyone to have the ability to make good decisions is to increase your self confidence. By building your confidence you enable yourself to look at things from a better perspective. You are “worth it” to steal a line from L’Oreal.
Everyone can learn to build confidence so long as you decide to do so. Hypnosis is an amazing tool which can be used to access your inner mind and your deeper thought processes. Simply by using hypnosis mp3s at home, you can learn to have amazing hypnosis confidence.
Roseanna Leaton, specialist in hypnotherapy mp3s for confidence and well-being.
P.S. Please feel free to grab a free hypnosis mp3 from my website, designed to make you feel good.