One of the most common misunderstood facts about human emotions is that they are just messages. Your mind is an ally, it doesnt want to make you feel bad, sad or depressed but it just wants you to take actions that will help you live a better life whenever needed.
Thats why it sends you emotions whenever it wants to motivate you to do something.
Here are some examples:
Anger: Go defend your rights, they are being violated
Guilt: Never do this again
Depression: This thing you lost was extremely important, find an alternative or bring it back
Fear: This place is unsafe get me out of here
Anxiety is the same as fear, its a message sent to you telling you that there is something dangerous about the situation you are in now.
For a normal human being anxiety should be experienced when there is a thief about to rob him, an animal about to attack or a danger that is about to threat him but for some people the signal seems to fire in completely safe situations that are perceived to be dangerous.
Examples of these safe situations that are seen to be dangerous are:
Talking to a stranger
Approaching the other sex
Talking to an authority figure
So if these situations are completely safe and couldnt threat your life or well being then why are they considered unsafe by your subconscious mind?
Is the situation really unsafe??
The previous introduction is similar to the one you will find in any self help book that mentions anxiety but what most of these resources miss is that they dont mention that a threat to your psychological state is considered a danger to your subconscious mind.
If you dread rejection or if you believe that rejection makes you unworthy then most likely you will feel really bad after being rejected. Sad feelings will be experienced when someone rejects you so that you learn how to avoid these rejections in the future.
Since your subconscious mind wont want to see you feel bad again it will make you feel really anxious in any social encounter that might result in rejection!!!
So this means that in many cases the anxiety you will be experiencing will be nothing more than a fear of being exposed to a situation that makes you feel bad.
The conclusion we can confidently make now is that you feel anxious because you have certain weak points that make you vulnerable to bad moods.
These weak points could be in the form of:
Fear of rejection
Believing that your worth should be determined by others opinion
Fear of being evaluated or judged in a negative way
Fear of being bullied or humiliated
Fear of being embarrassed
Usually anxiety control programs focus on relaxation techniques and while I will talk about these techniques still I can never say that they are the solution to anxiety.
If your anxiety stems from a fear like the one mentioned above then even if you managed to control your muscles and feel relaxed sooner or later the source of your fear will send you another trigger that you wont be able to control.
Its the same thing as trying to cure depression using medication only without psychotherapy. While medication can improve the mood for a certain time depression will return as soon as medication is stopped.
The solution in both cases is to cut the root and deal with the underlying problem instead of dealing with the symptoms.
Anxiety, which is the thing that you fear and that thing that is making you feel bad is only a symptom of the real problem that needs to be cured.
Thats why focusing on being positive or relaxed will never do the job because the root cause will still be emitting unwanted emotions.