Human beings use many different channels of communication. Yet, despite thousands of years of human development, we have regarded only the verbal channels as important – what we say and what we write. But based on the Law of Attraction we can realize that there’s an entire channel – non-verbal communication – that is just as important as words, because it gives us just as much, if not more, attraction and information about what people are thinking and feeling. Some estimates suggest that up to 93 per cent of the information we receive about any situation comes non-verbally rather than verbally. So, whenever you chat with a friend, ask your boss for a raise or set out to seduce, what you do may be up to thirteen times as information-packed as what you say.
Body language not only gives you additional information about other people and about yourself, it also gives you different information. While people’s words tell you only what they consciously want you to know, their body language tells you a whole range of other things, much of which they may not know they’re revealing, or even be conscious of themselves. People’s basic personality, the role they’re playing, the emotions they feel, the direction of their thoughts, their relationships with others – not to mention what they really think about you – body language communicates it all. And whereas people’s words can hide a multitude of secrets, their body language is much more difficult to fake.
Equally, of course, your own body language will – whether you like it or not-transmit information about yourself to others. And studies have shown that what you ‘say’ non-verbally is often much more influential than what you say verbally, not only because it bypasses the conscious mind of a listener and speaks directly to his or her subconscious, but also because people quite rightly trust non-verbal messages more than they trust words. The bad news is that your body language is making statements about you all the time, and some of these may be things you are trying to hide. The good news is that, property and genuinely used, body language can state what you couldn’t possibly say out loud, in a way that really reaches other people: ‘I’m competent… I need your support… I like you … I love you.’
Body language isn’t only about communication, though. What psychologists have realized over the past decade is that if you change your ‘body talk,’ you can actually change all kinds of things about your approach to life. You can, for instance, alter your mood before going to a party, create a better feeling toward your partner or feel more confident at work. And, of course, if your body language genuinely shifts, and you interact differently with people around you, then they in turn will respond differently to you – so that the way you project yourself to others will be reflected back to you, in a neat circular process.
Words of Warning
Because body language is such a powerful tool in the Law of Attraction, you need to take care when using it – so, before you begin, a few words of caution!
First, it’s a myth that body language allows you to read a person like a book. This theory, which was an attempt to ‘alphabetize’ non-verbal communication by defining a single gesture as having a single meaning, was originally fashionable in the sixties. If people scratched their nose, that meant they were lying. It didn’t matter whether they were scratching because their nose itched, because they were nervous or because nose-scratching was an important ritual in their sub-culture – they were still seen as lying. Nowadays, we know it’s just not that simple. Body language elements differ in meaning, and can be understood only in the context of a person’s life situation.
Second, using body language successfully isn’t about ignoring the words. Though we humans are apes-and many of the body talk sequences we use come directly from those developed by apes-we are nevertheless talking apes. Therefore, much of the teachings are about using body language along with the words, to emphasize them, to elaborate on them, to control them or even to contradict them. To be a real body language expert, use your non-verbal skills in addition to not instead of, your verbal ones.