It’s not your fault.

I have adapted an approach in my life where I take responsibility for whatever happens, that means any result that shows up in my life whether it is good or bad. I always look for where I can be responsible for the results produced. This approach has given me so much freedom and space to create in my life.

I teach my clients to take on this approach, at first it is met with some resistance. Usually it is because they feel they are at fault or being blamed if they take responsibility. So they hold on to blaming external factors for the outcomes in their life.

There is a powerful distinction here that I want you to get. When you take responsibility for how a situation turns out that does not mean you are taking the blame. Instead you are simply acknowledging what you did that contributed to the outcome of the situation.

When you take responsibility for your part in a situation where an undesirable outcome was produced, you then have the power to say “if I did this which caused this undesirable outcome then I have the power to create a result that works”. Another great benefit from always looking for where you can take responsibility is that you never feel like a victim. You realize you always have a choice and a say in how things go in your life. Feeling taken advantage of completely disappears from your point of view and belief system.

For me taking responsibility gives me great power over my life. I gain a sense of control over my life and the way it goes that empowers me. I will give you an example from my own life of where I took responsibility. I received my monthly email reminder to pay my student loan bill. I logged into my account and paid my student loan bill before the due date. A couple days after the due date passed I received a notice that stated I was past due. I freaked out because I knew I had paid. I went into my account and saw that I had paid the wrong loan. I had paid the loan that was not due yet.

When I had logged in to pay, the loan that appeared on the screen was not the one that was due, but I did not notice. I called the customer service number and complained, I said I paid my bill but I paid the wrong one because the screen showed me the one that was not due until later in the month. I felt really justified that it was their system that caused my mistake. They fixed the problem for me and made sure my account would not be affected by the late payment.

When I hung up the phone I realized how I put all the blame on the student loan company for the way they set up the pay bill page. I had felt like a victim and that they were tricking their customers by how they set their system. But then I got present to what I did and my role in the situation. I could have easily took the time to look at the loan number and due date to prevent the problem that occurred.

I have repeatedly created situations in my life where I get to be the victim and blame other people for what has happens to me. See for me I have always felt like a victim in my life and what I finally realized over the last couple of years is that I have created situations that fulfill that belief. Taking responsibility has given me so much freedom in my life and I no longer see myself as a victim but someone who creates and has choices.

I see this pattern and belief system of being a victim in many people. Taking responsibility does not mean you are at fault and have to take all the blame. Instead of feeling powerless and like you have no control over the way things go in your life you get access to being a creator and having choices.

Your assignment for this week: Look at a situation in your life right now where you may feel a loss of power or lack of control. It could be work, a relationship with a friend or partner, your fitness. Look and see what behaviors or way of being contributed to that outcome? Again, this is not a blame game or a time to make yourself feel bad. Simply list what you see that you have done to contribute to this outcome. Now look and see what other ways you can contribute to that situation that would have you produce results that work for you and give you power?

Copyright (c) 2007 Melisa Milonas LLC