It May SEEM Like Every Man In The World Can Approach Women, But Most CAN’T

Copyright 2006 X & Y Communications

OK Ladies, I know how it can be. Everywhere you go some guy invariably tries to “hit on you”. Maybe he even goes for the advanced routine of “putting the moves on you”. This could be happening to you every day. Possibly several times every day.

And I’m fully on board with the fact that such situations are far from limited to “ready-made” scenarios like bars, speed dating venues, etc. I realize you can’t even buy a flippin’ airline ticket without dealing with someone cleverly lining up behind you in “Boarding Group A” with designs on getting to sit next to you for a cozy two hour trip from San Antonio to Chicago Midway.

Happens every time, does it not?

There’s no wonder that many women go through life believing that all men approach whatever woman they want, whenever they want as second nature. Similarly, my impression is that most women believe that if a man is interested in her, he’ll go through the motions of approaching her like “all the rest of the guys” seem to. Therefore, if a man isn’t bothering to come up to her and make conversation, he simply must not be all that interested in doing so.

Not true. Not by a long shot.

My estimation, based on personal research and studying the work of others, is that at least 90% of all men have some trouble approaching and talking to a woman that they do not know. For many, “trouble” could be better described as “paralyzing fear”. For others guys, it’s simply a matter of mental programming that discourages them from bothering to try.

Let me offer three potential reasons why this is the case:

1) Men have been taught that women do not want to be approached

Whenever you see a fictional portrayal of a man approaching a woman in movies or on TV, there is a predictable result—especially in comedic situations. The guy always tries some cheesy line and is invariably shot down HARD by the woman. Hilarity ensues. This is, for lack of a better description, a sure thing when it’s time to get a laugh. Never mind that the James Bonds of the world successfully meet women left and right in more dramatic roles. Guys see those guys as unrealistic characters, and the negative image of women comedically “shooting them down” is what sticks to the subconscious mind.

Heck, there’s even a commercial about a guy with bad breath hitting on a woman he’s sitting next to on the plane, isn’t there?

2) The perceived risks are too high

“What if she’s married?” “I’m sure she already has a boyfriend.” “There’s not really enough time to have a conversation.” “It’s too loud in here anyway.”

By rationalizing away the opportunity with contrary thoughts, many men talk themselves out of taking any action to meet a woman, thereby nixing the chance of meeting her completely…and forever.

3) They can’t handle the thought of “getting beat by a girl”

Men have egos. There’s really no denying it. And one idea that the vast majority of guys cannot even stand the thought of is “getting beaten by a girl” in a competitive environment.

Consider this. When a man approaches a woman, the common belief is that there’s really no hiding the fact that he’s doing so because he is romantically interested. As such, in his own mind he becomes very vulnerable at the point he begins a conversation with a woman he doesn’t know. She holds all the cards, and has all the power when this happens. If she “rejects” his advance, she apparently positions herself as having power and authority over the man. After all, he wanted her, and she chose not to want him in return. Her social status is therefore perceived to be better than his. He LOST.

Some ladies reading these words are hearing ideas that they have never, ever considered. After all, being “afraid of girls” is elementary school stuff, isn’t it? Well, old habits sometimes die hard. Some guys grow old but never grow up, and I’m sorry to report that this is one area that applies.

Some guys reading this are likely coming to grips with concepts that have haunted them for years, without really having been able to pinpoint exactly why.

So what to do? How can men have an easier time approaching women? And ladies, what can you do to make the experience of men approaching you more enjoyable?

Find out answers to those questions and many more in next week’s article entitled “Here’s To Success For Men Who Approach Women…And For The Women They Approach”.