Now what do I mean by manage?
To mange something is to direct it so that you achieve your purpose. So if our purpose is to “Create a Better Relationship”, how do we manage our activities so that we achieve our purpose.
Well, the best way to mange anything and to control the direction towards a purpose is by a combination of observing the statistics of the activity and planning off of that.
So the question is what is the most important statistic for a guy to watch and monitor with respect to relationships. WRITE THIS DOWN, because you are not going to get it from any of the other Dating Guru’s. The statistic you want to monitor is MOTION. Specifically MOTION TOWARD and MOTION AWAY.
You won’t believe how important the observation of this statistic is until you start doing it. It will change your life. It is not only involved in men/women relationships it is involved in any relationship you can think of (For example, I use it extensively in sales).
Now, when it comes to women you should be watching MOTION from day one.
I recommend that if you haven’t already read my three articles on the bar scene that you do so now:
Would You Like To Know How To Pick Up Women In Bars And Clubs?
How To Meet Women In Bars and Clubs.
Do You Want To Know How To Attract Women In Bars and Clubs?
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These are excellent studies in situational techniques derived from observing motion and I will refer to them below.
Now what most guys do in the bar scene is some arbitrary motion pattern they learned from some GURU without observing the motion at hand, or they do their own arbitrary motion pattern. The arbitrary pattern will work a percentage of times, so most guys, if they hit up on enough girls with any kind of motion, will eventually find someone it works on.
But what makes observational technique and strategies superior is that you are not doing some arbitrary. You are doing the exact thing that works and you win 100 percent of the time across ALL Motion patterns, and ALL personality types.
There are only three basic motions a person can do with respect to you. 1) Move toward you, 2) move away from you, and 3) stay in the same place with respect to you (no motion).
Now when I talk about motion here with respect to a man/woman relationship I am talking about motion towards you in many ways, like:
1) physically (a women moves closer to you, touches you, etc.)
2) mentally (agreement would be a motion toward, disagreement a motion away)
3) emotionally (liking you and feeling comfortable would be a motion toward and disliking you, feeling uncomfortable with you would be a motion away)
4) communicatively ( wanting to talk to you would be a motion toward, not wanting to talk to you would be a motion away).
Then there are different channels of communication. A girl could lean into you very sexily, touch you lightly, and tell you what a bastard prick you are. If you only pay attention to the content you could be blown away. If you only pay attention to the touch
She could blow you away. But if you pay attention to the complex communications and all the motion vectors involved, you would know what to do.
Now these three basic motions combined with different channels of communication can get very complex as not only are there different channels of communication but there are motions within motions.
Now in my book “Dating to Relating” I teach you all about advanced and complex motions, but for the sake of this essay if you just start observing the basic motions you will be way ahead of most guys.
So let’s get back to relationships. If you are in a relationship, the girl is either moving TOWARD you – physically, emotionally, mentally, and communicatively or she is staying in the same place with respect to you, or she is moving AWAY.
THESE ARE YOUR STATISTICS that you use to mange your relationship. You watch and observe what is she doing and the direction of her motion.
If she wants LESS sex, she is moving away. If she doesn’t talk to you as much, she is moving away. If she is getting bored with you, when she use to be enthralled she is moving away.
If she wants “to talk” about things (guys hate this) she is starting to move away, but she is simultaneously moving toward you (wanting to communicate about it.)
Now what do you do about it?
REAL SIMPLE – observe what makes her move toward you, CREATE more of that. Observe what makes her move away from you and STOP doing that.
Now if you just do those two simple actions on a dally basis you can make any relationship better and continue to grow and you can repair a relationship that has gone astray.
OBSERVATION, however, is not always as easy as it sounds. I have a friend who I have been telling all this stuff for years, and he still hasn’t developed the ability to observe.
One night we went to a restaurant together, and I flirted with the waitress lightly. I said something like “You have pretty eyes.”
As soon as I said that, she leaned back a little, away form me, and I knew immediately she probably had a boyfriend or something. Her motion was telling me I would have to approach her on a much lower gradient if I was interested in continuing.
Well my friend didn’t get it. He thought it was a great lead in for him to hit up on her and started saying all kinds of stuff to her. She began getting quite uncomfortable with us, and I finally had to kick my friend under the table to get him to stop.
When she left, I asked him “Didn’t you see her lean away from me when I said that?” Well he admitted he did SEE it, but he didn’t OBSERVE it or know what it meant. So he jumped in at the wrong gradient. I got him to stop and I made the girl relax when she came back by saying “Don’t take us seriously, we flirt with ALL the girls.” She laughed and then totally relaxed with us.
The point of this story being that some guys SEE motion, but DON’T observe it or interpret it correctly. If that is you, just KEEP practicing until you get it right.
The only other thing you will have to take into account in all this, is your personal integrity. Sometime when you start to really observe people and seeing what makes them move toward you, or away form you, you get into a conflict of values, interests, opinions, etc.
You may find yourself in a position that you don’t want to do the things that work and make her move toward you, and she doesn’t want to do the things that you would like to do to make her move toward you.
When you find yourself in that position, you are perhaps in the wrong relationship for you and you guys should sit down and really discuss your values and where each of you want to go with your lives and your relationship to see if it is worth continuing.