How To Heal Your Heartbreak

So recently, I put my stake out in the ground and took a big chance. I fell in love (fully and completely). And, what was so unique about this relationship was that for the first time, I had a vision of all that it could be and what was totally possible between me and this person. Living my life as an intuitive this has never happened to me before. So I just let go and stepped out in a big, big way.

I like to give myself and everyone a happy ending here…it didn’t turn out the way I “saw” it, and it ended in my heart breaking. As my heart was crumbling and I felt like my life was falling apart, all the metaphysical stuff I knew to be true just created anger inside of me. What metaphysical stuff? That when a heart breaks it is truly open, that there was something much more in alignment with my greatest good, that this was all happening for a reason…blah, blah, blah…

Could I feel that Soulful part that knew the truth that I was safe? Yes, and the human being in me just wanted what I wanted. And, what I wanted most was to stop being in pain.

The only way “past” this heartbreak was through it. There was no other path than the one I was on. Trying to control it increases the pain and struggle. The key was that I had to learn to trust the process and be in the pain, heartbreak and struggle.

We think the bad feelings and the pain have to go away in order for a sunny day to appear. But how do you be in the pain and feel the sun at the same time? Well isn’t that the 10,000 dollar question?

Humans like to avoid the “negative” emotions. We like to skip them and move right into the good parts. And, if I truly wanted to feel the happiness again, I needed to feel the pain right here and right now. There is a line that one of the characters said in Mad Men, “That’s just it. I don’t feel anything.” (I watched a lot of TV and licked my wounds). I didn’t want to be one of those people that doesn’t feel anything. So I knew I had to work through the fire of emotional pain in order to get to the other side.

I knew that fighting or trying to ignore what I was feeling would not diminish the pain. It would just prolong it. So I started to ask the question of the Divine, “How I can be clear and be in the pain and struggle at the same time?” In allowing myself to feel what I was feeling, I noticed something. They came and went. And when I felt them, allowed myself to cry, or scream or curse when I “needed” it, they started to pass through me and didn’t bring me to my knees as often.

I still wanted action. I still wanted a strategy to heal from the heartbreak and not let the heartbreak impact my current relationships and future relationships.

Here are some of the key points that helped me create my strategy to move through the heartbreak. Remember that this is a moment-by-moment strategy.

Moment by Moment Techniques
o Allow yourself a brief pity party (stay in bed, watch movies, sleep, etc.)
o Allow yourself to feel what you are feeling
o Create one goal for yourself to achieve each day (it could be as simple as washing the dishes and complex as going to work)

Questions to ask yourself

o What do I need right here right now?
o What internal resource do I have?
o What external resource do I have?
o What am I fighting against that isn’t supporting me?
o What am I refusing to be with in this situation?
o What is this situation bringing up from my past that I’m afraid to feel?

Accessing Your External Support

o Be direct with family and friends in asking for what type of support you need
o Tap into those friends and family who you know will allow you to be sad and angry (within reason)
o Tap into those friends and family who you know that are comfortable with expressing their own emotions and will listen to you without offering advice (unless you request it)
o Determine if you require some additional support like a coach or a therapist

Accessing Your Internal Support

o Remember what the core of your truth is and access it
o Request help from what you call your higher power
o Do those things that lift your spirits (listen to music, pray, etc.)

There is no beating out the pain. The pain and struggle moves when it is ready to move. There is no timeframe on healing. The cliché that time heals all is a cliché because it is true. All you have in pain and struggle is choice.