Sex addiction is a hot topic in the news these days. Tiger is still hitting the headlines in a big way, although this time not because of his prowess upon the golf course. Residents of Hattiesburg are all aquiver with curiosity over Tiger being in town, residing for a while at a well known clinic to cure sex addiction.
Elsewhere in the world, you cannot miss the “sex addict” headlines in magazines and papers as you stand in the check out queue. Speculation abounds as to what Elin’s next step will be, and how many millions of dollars may have to be split between the two. Money however is hardly the most important issue here.
What is really good about the current Tiger issue is that it has opened up the door to many other sex addicts holding up their hands and admitting their secret desires and obsessions. When you try to hide something you tend to do it more. When you try to not do something you will be more inclined to do it. This may seem to be a rather perverse aspect of the mind, but it is how the mind works.
If you try not to hit the golf ball into the lake, it’s highly likely to end up making a big splash. If you try to not hit your Tee shot into the trees, where is it most likely to end up? And when you are approaching a chip over a bunker, what should you be thinking about? You should be thinking about the shape of your shot, the ball landing upon the green and rolling steadily towards the cup; But you’re more likely to be thinking about the sandy bunker, and if so, that’s where your ball is likely to cuddle up.
Golf highlights the way our minds work and as you learn the mental strategies required to master the various aspects of this game you also learn the mental skills necessary to succeed in other areas of your life. Returning to the example of what happens when you try to not hit the ball in a particular direction, there is a simple and important mental skill which can be learned.
Where there is a conflict between your will power and your imagination your imagination wins. If you are thinking “don’t go in the lake” you are in fact picturing the lake; your eyes and your mind are drawn there. I was playing with a lady earlier today who made the comment that she hated a particular hole for this very reason – she always went in the lake. And so as she addressed her ball, I asked a simple question – “what exactly are you aiming at?” Her reply “Over the water, I hope; just not in the water”.
When it was suggested that she could instead pick a specific point upon the fairway to aim at and to imagine the ball landing there, she hit a beautiful shot directly to that point. The learning of mental skills frequently takes little effort; in fact it often takes a single moment of enlightenment – a “light bulb” moment. You simply have to learn to understand how your thoughts have been impacting your golf, and your life. As you understand how your mind works, you can get it to work in your favor instead of against you.
Returning to the issue of sex addiction, the more you hide something the more you tend to do it. The more guilty you feel, the more you think about it, the more you imagine it and the more you do it. The first step in liberating yourself from sex addiction is to admit that you are hooked. Then you can start looking for a way in which to change your habits.
An addiction to anything reflects a lack of balance. A lack of self confidence is most often an underlying issue. You may very well be incredibly successful in your work or certain areas of your life, but success does not necessarily denote true solid self-esteem and self-worth. Rather, an unusually successful person’s self-worth tends to be hinged upon their area of success, leaving a void in other areas of their life. It is tempting then to try to fill that void…
Roseanna Leaton, specialist in hypnosis downloads for confidence, golf mind training, addictions, health and happiness.
p.s. Something you would like to change in your life? you can grab a free hypnosis mp3 from my website.