Rejection can happen in many different ways and for many different reasons. If you can identify with a pattern whereby you feel that you have been rejected or are being rejected again and again, then it may help to as yourself two very important questions.
Are you really being rejected or do you simply feel rejected? Do you fear rejection and does that fear make you push other people away through displays of attacking or defensive actions? Bear in mind too that your attacking or defensive actions may even be carried out in a covert manner. By this I mean that you may think that you present others with a soft façade but you are feeling a little “thorny” and hostile underneath.
Fear automatically triggers a hormonal reaction in the brain; the fight, flight or freeze mechanism. If you do not act to overcome these natural and instinctive reactions to fear you will most likely find that the first encourages rejection, the second pre-empts rejection and the latter simply puts rejection on temporary hold.
To demonstrate this point let us take the example of a close spousal relationship. You are feeling rejected and fearful and you find yourself oscillating between the three responses to fear.
One minute you find things about your spouse to pick on. You focus in upon their annoying habits and start picking bones with them. You approach many conversations with an accusatory manner, epitomized by “You never ” or “You always ” This “fighting talk” is highly unlikely to get your spouse feeling loving and cozy towards you. Rather, she or he will get out of the door faster than you can say “Jack Robinson”. Thus your fear becomes reality and you feel rejected.
Then another minute you feel like fleeing. You find yourself thinking, “What’s the point?” and you contemplate walking out of the door and never coming back. Your spouse doesn’t even know what you are thinking and probably puts your glum expression down to a bad day in the office and quietly hopes that you’ll perk up soon. Let’s face it, when you feel like this you are not the most relaxing and enjoyable company. And if you really do walk out, you will still feel rejected because you will think to yourself “He/She never even tried to stop me”.
And the last response of freezing makes you feel like curling up in a ball and quietly licking your wounds. Once again your spouse is likely to respond with total bewilderment. He or she leaves the house in the morning wondering which of the three spouses will be there upon their return. Can they be blamed for staying late at the office?
In a relationship you can see that these types of typical instinctive reactions to fear can be terminally destructive. If your spouse is acting in a way that makes you feel unhappy the worst thing you can do is to respond in the fight, flight or freeze modes. Rather you have to take a step back and think constructively. Think about what you want to achieve and how best to reach that goal.
In a spousal relationship what you really want is most likely to be recapturing that “loving feeling” which was where it all began between the two of you. Instead of finding faults and making accusations, focus upon what you love about your partner and show them the person who they fell in love with too.
Roseanna Leaton, specialist in confidence hypnosis mp3 downloads and hypnosis mp3s for relationship issues.
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