How does Inner Dialogue Affect our Self Esteem?

For some reason, at least from my perspective, it seems that self esteem issues in women are fortified more readily in this culture.

I would never belittle the importance of these issues in men as well, but as a woman I am better equipped to discuss self esteem issues in women. So this article tends to leans towards that perspective.

Your Inner Voice: I think much of our conflicting inner dialog is lodged painfully in our own recollection of how we were valued at an impressionable age. Isn’t it true that you really are your own worst critic? That critical negative voice, nagging you thorughout the day, undermining your self esteem? It’s kind of hard to believe that we would willingly create this form of self-torture, but the fact is…we do!

Why? Well,any series of happenstance or painful past events, parents, friends, history, what have you, could have caused this… I could rant endlessly against all the wrongs and causes in my life. But ultimately I had a freeing thought: not to appear unsympathetic but, does it matter? The past cannot be changed, but we are here now. I have gone that route myself as I have a sob story I can and did blame everything on.I spent years ranting and raving at the injustice of my childhood circumstances all to no avail. A particularly large chip on my shoulder concerning self esteem issues in women came from the old-world cheauvenistic degradation of my environment. Finally I realized, why waste another moment of my precious life energy entertaining anything that has to do with those people? After all, it never got me anywhere but back to square one in my own mind.

I didn’t realize the role I was playing until I went through the process of re-writing my own responses to my history. Now if you know my life story or have read the book, then you already know I was raised in a super cheauvenistic cult environment and have had to overcome a lot (to say the least) of negative implanted thinking and feeling, most of which led me to believe what I was told from a very early age, which is that I did not have the ability to make decisions for my own life…that is my past. “The fact of the matter is”, many people say, that “you can’t change it”…or can you? I’m not talking about jumping into a time machine and rewinding history, but about rewiring our experience of and therefore responses to history!

So we got hooked up a certain way, we are trained how to feel, react and interpret our world from a very young age by forces outside of our control at the time…so I say, why shouldn’t we roll up our sleeves now, dive in and give ourselves an overhaul to our own specifications? After all, would you let your grand mother pick out your clothes every day for the rest of your life? Well I don’t know about you, but personally…well…let’s just say it wouldn’t work for me! So, where do you begin? Don’t you have to study a problem before you can fix it? Well that sounds obvious, but isn’t it rather difficult to study your own subconscious? After all that is why they call it the “SUB Conscious.” It is primarily hidden beneath the surface. Hence the age old industry of psychology, psychotherapy, counseling etc. (and I am in no way disparaging them, and would ever claim to replace them, they are a wonderful asset to the life-distressed, myself included.) this is just an approach, an addition if you will, that worked for me that I wish to share, and it may or may not be right for you.

So now what? Quite frankly “self esteem issues in women” sounds like an overwhelming issue to tackle. How do you fix a problem you cannot see? Well, frankly, you don’t. Just start to ponder the idea, don’t worry about that right now. The first thing you do is make the invisible…visible. “How” you might ask? This is where what I call “The Healing Author Course” Begins…who knows you better than yourself? I mean your deep subconscious self? We are led to believe that we are helpless to understand our own minds and hearts “leave that to the professionals” they say “you don’t have the skills.” Yet I believe we all have that vision within us. How do you access your sub conscious without editing it? Unfiltered, un-edited by judgments or condemnation? Have you ever heard of free form expression? Basically brainstorming your subconscious. This can be done through the process of journaling. What is the most powerful tool of expression and reinforcement? Language! The spoken and written word. You use it every day to communicate to other people in your life. Well now it is time to communicate with yourself. “That’s silly!” you may say. Rest easy, I don’t mean roaming the streets mumbling like a crazy person, but you do think about things all day long right? The only problem with this is that we have a constant filter in place that prevents us from seeing the raw input, once again that inner voice.

Through journaling you will be free form writing to reveal yourself to yourself. This can be a very scary process, who doesn’t fear the thought of discovering something they don’t like about themselves? It is not about judgment, but discovery, that is the first step. It is actually quite simple, you will set aside time alone to pour yourself out onto paper. This is for your eyes only, and it is the first step in becoming familiar with yourself. What does this accomplish? You are just exploring the environment that was created so that you can choose how to re-create it.