It is interesting to note different people’s reactions when dealing with situations involving conflict. Some people act tenaciously like a Jack Russell, yapping and barking loudly and refusing to back down; going on the offensive seems to be inbred in their nature. Other’s respond more like a King Charles spaniel, curling up in a corner and gazing around with wide eyes, hoping against hope that peace will return before too long; they have the inbred nature of the pacifist and wait until the opportunity arises to lick your hand and hope for a gentle pat in return.
There are many variations of temperament along this scale. It is an undeniable fact that some are better equipped to deal with conflicts than others. But the dog who barks the loudest doesn’t always win. Sometimes it will work of course; it will scare some more timid creatures off and send them running back to their corner. Sometimes their yapping and nipping at heels can get them into trouble. What they may think of as defensive action is more likely to be experienced by another as offensive.
The best reaction in such circumstances is most often to stand your ground and treat that other person as you would wish to be treated. By this I mean that to respond in a polite and respectful way, no matter how rude or impolite that other person is, will usually win at the end of the day. What goes round comes around, but YOU do not need to raise your voice or yap louder. This is one situation where the adage “if you cannot beat them then join them” simply does not work.
Unfortunately this is what often happens. It is all too easy to get drawn into the situation and react whilst your emotional and primitive mind is in control. When you are upset by something your emotional brain does take over. Your brain is responding to a perceived threat, and the fight or flight response immediately kicks in. Adrenalin pumps around your system poising you to lash out, fight back or run like hell. Sometimes your response gets frozen in-between the choices and you can become rooted to the spot and incapable of taking any action at all.
The human brain has been hard wired since cave man days to respond in this manner. Your brain focuses all of its attention upon this primary instinct of survival and the more logical, higher cortical regions of your brain are bypassed. You cannot think clearly at this point; it is impossible. This is why it is so easy to get drawn into responding to aggression with aggression; but to do this just results in escalating the situation.
Back in cave man days this was an essential element of survival. In the modern era, however, it is almost always inappropriate. A person has to learn how to calm their emotions and allow their logical thinking mind to take part in their internal discussion about how best to respond to circumstances. Just by breathing deeply you will experience a natural relaxation response throughout your body and this will also be mirrored by your mind.
Once your logical mind kicks back in, a good question to ask oneself is how you would feel if everything you thought was right was indeed wrong? I suppose this is another way of suggesting that you look at things from that other person’s perspective and try to work out where they are coming from. Ask yourself why they were yapping and barking in an apparently offensive manner. And also you could ask yourself what you could do to calm the situation and ultimately achieve a positive outcome.
For some this means tempering their instinctive reaction of lashing out and hitting back. For others it is learning how to stand their ground and remain calm even whilst their heart is pumping loudly in their chest and they feel as if they can barely breathe. Often it involves not only the ability to change your own emotional reaction but also to help the other person to change state and shift back into a more logical pattern of thought and action as well.
We all do have the ability to change state and relax, so long as we take the time to learn how to do this. Hypnosis is a wonderful tool which is easy to learn and easy to use. Hypnosis is a natural state of relaxation which sooths your mind and your body. With hypnosis you have access to your subconscious mind which is the more emotional part of your mind. Therefore as you learn to relax with hypnosis you can also access the part of your mind where those primitive emotional reactions are triggered. This means that you can, with hypnosis, train your brain to respond in a more appropriate manner to those situations of perceived conflict and stress.
Roseanna Leaton, specialist in self hypnosis mp3 downloads for health, success and well-being.