So you just found out your husband is cheating on you, eh? And you are still reeling from the shock and you are not quite sure what to do?
Most women react blindly when they find out their husbands are having affairs. They let fear, anger, hurt or a desire for revenge compel them to do things they will later regret- things which make it difficult or impossible to implement any worthwhile infidelity advice they will later receive.
Regardless of whether you decide to leave your husband or stay with him and try to work things out, doing the wrong thing at the outset can make a bad situation worse.
In coping with your husband’s adulterous ways, the first and most important act on your part should be the observance of the golden rule – don’t put him out or leave him. If you put him out or leave, you will hard pressed to know that he is doing. Unless of course you hire an investigator.
As long as you are still together you can keep your finger on the pulse of his affair and gather some much needed fact.
Let’s face it. Your mind and thoughts will wander to the other women. Questions like – is she prettier and younger… and what quality does she posses that is lacking in you, will surely spring up.
This can be one of the worst things you can do. Though it is perfectly natural to be curious about her, but the truth is – she is not worth your time and energy.
Repeatedly questioning your husband about her, referring to her or dragging her name into the conversation puts the spotlight on her rather than the rest issues where it belongs.
When these things happen, most women would rather pretend nothing is happening and look the other way to console themselves. But going into denials would only make matters worse.
As emotionally traumatic as it is to find out that your husband has been cheating, you need to face the reality of the situation. Ignoring his infidelity gives him the ‘go ahead’ to continue his affair. Pretending it is not happening will make him think he is getting away with his cheating or give him the impression that he has your silent approval.
So, what do you do?
The sooner you confront him about his cheating the better. The longer you wait to bring it up and express your disapproval, the more attached he will be to the other woman. And the harder it will be to bring your marriage back on track.
Remember too that affairs strive in secrecy. Sometimes just telling your husband that you know about it could be enough to put a stop to his affairs.
The above brings us to what can be termed as ‘the first showdown”. Most experts agree that you should confront your husband about his cheating, but you need to have a plan.
Choose the time and place carefully so that you can discuss the affair at length without interruption. Don’t start by asking your husband if he is actually cheating. He will simply lie about it. Just throw the evidence you have gathered that prove he is having an affair into his face.
Don’t EVER confront him without proof. To do so might turn the tables in his favor. He will simply deny it and put you on the defensive.
If you need proof there are ways for you to get it without hiring a detective or buying software. This method involves using only your eyes, your ears and your personal knowledge of your husband.
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