Fear is a common culprit for most if not all of the problems we as men face with dealing with women. I know you and I both have fears over all the different aspects of pickup, from just walking up and saying those first few words, to getting a girls phone number, kissing a girl, having sex or even keeping a relationship alive and dealing with jealousy and attachment. At the root of most of these fears is what is known as a scarcity mentality, yet on the surface it doesn’t appear to be so.
I often hear guys say they can’t walk up and talk to a girl because they don’t know what to say. This is not true, for just walking up and simply saying hi to a girl and going from there is a great way to start a conversation. It’s the mindset that if they screw up with this girl there are very few others left to seduce which causes feelings of anxiety and a feeling of “I have to get this girl”. The simply truth is you really don’t need all these fancy opening lines and “pickup lines” in order to meet and attract women, you just have to realize a few simple truths about reality.
A Scarcity mentality is where you feel there are very women in the world for you, and it generally comes in two forms. The first is “the one” girl, that girl you pine over day and night and can’t get her out of your head, the girl you believe is the only woman for you, that she is the best woman in the world and no other girls can even compare to her. I’ve heard it many times before from many many guys, telling me “oh but this girls soo special, I don’t want to be seeing other girls in case she gets upset” or “I just don’t think there are any women as good as her out there”, before they have even kissed her. If you’ve ever thought this way I’ve got bad news for you: this is a self destructive mindset that will only end up pushing the girl you desire further and further away.
Now the second type of scarcity mentality is the one experienced when talking to random girls in a club/bar/on a train etc. It’s the thought that with each failure your running out of options. Or that other people may see you talking to her and talk about you behind your back, then that rumour will spread from girl to girl until eventually they all know about your antics. In all truths this is never going to happen and you are never going to run out of girls to talk to (unless you live in a town in the middle of nowhere with 100 people, if you do, get out of there quickly and get into a city), you probably already realize this logically, however just “getting it” emotionally will take a fair bit more work.
Now an abundance mentality is the complete opposite of a scarcity mentality. It is where you realize that there are many many women out there for you and you will never run dry. Thus you never think there is this one girl that you must have, nor do you get overly attached in a relationship, and it is exactly what girls are looking for in a guy. Now not being attached does not mean your not loving, I love my girlfriend to bits and do show it, but I still have that mentality that if she ever cheats on me or does something equally bad I will dump her and can easily find another girl without a problem.
Having an abundance mentality also means most if not all of your fear of things such as talking to women you’ve never met, or asking them out on a date completely evaporate. Generally the main fear a guy has is that he will screw things up by asking her out, kissing her too early etc. If you have a true abundance mentality you will realize that if you screw up with her there are a million more girls standing right behind her waiting for you. You start to feel at ease and gain a feeling of self worth when you realize that you will never run out of women. Even if you screw up your chances with a different girl every single day for the next 10 years, you will still not have screwed up with 99.997% of your local city population, there are seriously more woman than you or I can handle out there.
So how do you go about gaining an abundance mindset? It seems many guys go about this the wrong way. Most guys simply work on the logical part of their brain, meditating, reading over notes and more, attempting to get it into their head that there are many women out there. This is the wrong way to go about it, just as reading about picking up women but not actually going out there and doing it is the wrong way to go about learning how to attract women. To get into an abundance mindset you first need to acquire abundance.
This poses a problem for the majority of guys that have had very little female experience. I’ve seen the same problem occur time and time again, and I’ve even done it myself. The problem is when you start getting good with women and finally attract a girl you like, you decide to settle down with her, before exploring your options. This is by far the worst way to go about dating, for you will learn as I did that when you only have one girl, you still aren’t sure if you are really good with women or if you just fluked it. This eats into your mentality and you start to realize that maybe if this girl leaves you you will never find love again. It creates all kinds of problems, from jealousy to being too attached in the relationship, and in the end, it often drives the girl away.
To get this abundance mindset and be free from fear for the rest of your life, you need to do the following: You NEED to see at least 3 or more girls at the same time. Now you also need to tell them you are seeing other girls, if they don’t like it and break up, so what? go out and find more. Once you have 3 or more girls that you are constantly seeing (not just every now and again but sleeping with and having as constant girls), you will notice a shift in yourself. You will notice that you start to become less attached to these girls and you realize that if one breaks up, you’ve still got 2 more and can get more girls anytime. You realize that it doesn’t really matter if you have a quarrel with any of them for if any of the girls start turning into the bitch from hell you can dump them. This is the true way to achieve an abundance mentality, by having an abundance of women around you, and this mentality will constantly stick for the rest of your life.
Of course dating 3 girls at once isn’t an easy task, but if you promise me you won’t get into a full on relationship until you have achieved the constant 3 girls I guarantee you will eliminate your fears with dealing with women and you will feel more at ease and free than ever. If a girl tries to tie you down early, who cares, tell her no and keep working on getting those 3 girls. For if you jump into a relationship early without having the experience of abundance in your life, you will still have a scarcity mindset and you will still have fear and jealousy working against you constantly in any relationship you are in.