It can be wonderful to be a victim. First of all, I get to be right. I am misunderstood, mistreated, and miserable, but at least I know I’m right. I’m in pain, but my pain is at least a little bit satisfying. The end all and be all for life’s perpetual victims is self righteousness–being the one who is right, good, or special. I get to be the star of my own drama.
Second, if I’m really suffering you can’t expect much from me. As the suffering one, I should be appreciated, treated special, or helped. You can’t expect me to put out too much energy for others in this condition. You can’t expect me to do much for myself.
I feel a deep compassion whenever I see someone suffering. Compassion is not pity. It is a deep respect and understanding for the person and where they are on their journey in life. I know what it feels like to suffer. It is through my own suffering that I have learned where my suffering comes from. It comes from within me.
Most people in the world blame someone or something for their suffering. The payoff for blaming is self justification and innocence. This does not mean that suffering isn’t painful. It is. It means that we will not find release by blaming anything or anyone. We must follow our pain inward to its source.
Whenever I expect a person or situation to provide me with healing, joy, or wealth, I am setting myself up for suffering. No external person or thing can make me happy. Creating happiness is an inside job, regardless of what my life conditions may be.
As an organizational consultant and speaker, people often tell me how others make their lives miserable. Everyone has their story, and often I get two diametrically opposed accounts of the same event. A lot of blaming and self justification goes on in many organizations. My message is to move beyond blaming and to take personal responsibility for one’s relationships. I ask people to start being the person they want to be at work, instead of who they think they are forced to be.
Blaming is a denial of who you are. Do you know who you are? You are an incredible being of light, a powerful expression of Spirit. You have a mission to create beauty, joy, and peace in your own unique way. You are so powerful that you create your own circumstances. Blaming is a way of pretending you are not powerful. Blaming gives your power away to someone else. Blaming says that this person, or this situation is the source of your good, not the Creative Intelligence of the Universe.
Many people blame the economy for their financial state. The economy is irrelevant if you know who you are. Your abundance does not come from the economy. Your source of good is not your job, your spouse, the government, or your customers. Your source is within you. It is your ability to connect with Spirit. Blaming is a way of pretending you are not your own source.
A while back I experienced a slow down in my business and income. People told me it was the economy, but I refused to believe it. I knew it had to be me. I asked for guidance in prayer. One morning as I meditated I received my answer. I realized I was filled with resentment. I resented certain others who I felt had not supported me as much as I wanted. Of course, I believed I had been very supportive to them. My resentment sent a message to the Universe that said, “I can’t succeed until I get their support. If I succeed they will never know how much pain I suffered not having their support.”
I was grateful for the message. To make sure I got the message, Spirit provided yet another opportunity. Later that day while channel surfing, I came upon Dr. Wayne Dyer on PBS. He was talking about resentment. He said it was a low energy and it blocked out God. I got the message. I made a decision to stop resenting. I let go of my need to have specific people support me in specific ways. I immediately felt a sense of joy and freedom as I released my burden of resentment.
As soon as I stopped resenting, the suffering it brought stopped also. Suddenly, the people in my life who I had resented seemed to change. They seemed more approachable, more love worthy, rather than blame worthy. I saw how much my underlying attitude of resentment had caused me to withhold love and support from others. It felt good to let go and be more responsive. And yes, business did pick up immediately.
Blaming, resentment, and suffering ooze out of the gap between how a situation is and how we want it to be. We see this gap and attach meaning to it. I want you to love me a certain way. You don’t. I think this means I am unworthy, or that you are a bad person, or that somehow I can’t be happy. In reality your inability to love me means nothing. The meaning I give to it is what causes me suffering. It causes me to resent and to blame.
Suffering is eased when I accept you the way you are, whether you love me or not. Suffering is eased when I accept myself as I am. Suffering is eased when I realize that the source of my love is within me. I am sustained by the love of Spirit, surrounded by it. As I rejoice in this knowing, love manifests in ways and from people that I could not predict. As I stop focusing on all of my gaps in life, and begin to focus on who and what I am–a spiritual being, the creator of my own experience, the source of my own joy, a spark of the Divine–I experience freedom and joy. There is nothing to resent, no one to blame, and no reason to suffer. As I give my love more passionately and openly to self, to others, and to life, I am showered with blessings. I stop coming from a place of need, and I become a light.