I want to save you the costs of anger management. I have been to anger management counselling before, and I highly suggest you try these techniques that were taught there before shelling out to go a session.
While I am not discounting counsellors, who can be wonderful, a lot of the work can be done alone, saving you a lot of money.
What is anger
First of all, we have to understand what anger is. Anger served us back in older times as a protection device. When we were under attack, anger energised us to fight back. But in modern times, physical violence and indeed even shouting is frowned upon and will cost you a lot. There might be legal repercussions, you might lose your job, your lover, the support of your family.
However, this does not mean that anger is wrong. While anger is bad for you, and can be transcended totally, you have to realise that anger is only “bad” if expressed unhealthily. The key is to know what is healthy and what isn’t.
For convenience, I’ll differentiate between the two types: repressed anger and fresh anger.
As mentioned, many people feel that anger is wrong, and so they end up repressing it. Repressed anger lives underneath your skin. They can cause to explode at any moment. To deal with such anger, you have to let it all out – but in a healthy way.
Screaming is the most important part of anger release. You have to give your anger a voice. Whatever you are angry about, you have to shout it out. So, find a place where you can be alone, or where no one can hear you, and shout it all out. Even if it is just a string of obscenities, do it!
Together with the screaming, your body might want to do something. If it wants to hit something, then hit something “safe”. The key is to do it safely – hit a pillow, hit your mattress. Make sure nobody is hurt. Sometimes your body wants to twist something. Grab a towel in that case, and begin twisting it.
Once you have done this a few times (and the first time you do anger management, you’re almost guaranteed to feel self conscious), the anger will be released. What often comes after is sadness and crying – these emotions are opposite sides of the same coin.
The second type of anger is “fresh” anger. Dealing with fresh anger is very different. You shouldn’t repress it, but you shouldn’t let it all hang out either – it can be very inappropriate.
The best thing to do is to clear your mind. Take some time out, if possible, and remove yourself from the situation. Why? You have to stop your thoughts from churning.
Your thoughts start the anger. These can be anything from “How can he do that?!” to “I can’t believe this is happening!” And so the anger rises. As the anger rises, it affects the thoughts in return, making the thoughts darker and even more distorted.
Clearing your mind cuts off this vicious cycle at the source, and the best way to do so is to feel. Feeling stops your thought – it distracts your mind.
What do I mean by feel? Feel everything directly, not through the filter of your thoughts. What does the air feel like as it goes through your nose into your lungs? What does your shirt feel like on your skin?
Without thoughts to feed your emotions, the anger also begins to die down, and slowly it disappears.
The issue of anger is more complex than can be discussed in a single article. For a more in-depth discussion, please get the free ebook (I don’t even want your email) from my website. It covers all negative emotions, including free anger management: old anger, fresh anger, and the beginning of freedom from negativity altogether. The website also provides free information on overcoming barriers to personal growth.