One of the greatest feelings in life is opening up so completely to both you and your romantic partner that time and space cease to exist so that all that is left is pure love and unconditional acceptance on all levels mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually.
Romantic relationships often seem so complex, but are actually very simple.
If you have experienced a failed relationship or are wanting to be in a great relationship right now but afraid that it will not work out, or you are in a relationship that is very challenging and not fulfilling, then read on. What you are about to read will help you enormously with both your current and/or future relationships.
While speaking with a personal life coaching client about two years ago, an approach to how relationships work or dont work unfolded in my mind that helped me to understand why people, myself included, create disastrous and failed relationships and how we can attract loving, long-term and successful relationships. This approach has since helped many individuals and couples to understand what vibes they had been giving off and what they needed to do differently to attract what they were looking for in someone for a relationship to work. It also explains why over 50% of North American marriages have resulted in divorce over the past 20 years.
If your relationship stays as it is right now, we can also use this tool to determine in under one minute whether your relationship will last!
There are five areas of your life that need to be stimulated. And there are five areas of your current or future partners life that need to be stimulated as well.
Each area for each of you needs to be stimulated by your romantic partner for your relationship to last long-term.
The simplest way to see how this works is to put your left hand out in front of you so that you are looking at your palm, palm facing you and spread your fingers apart…
Each finger will represent a different area.
The five areas of fulfillment in a romantic relationship include (and are in no particular order):
1. Spiritual Fulfillment (this includes your heart-to-heart connection and relates to your openness, giving, and sharing experience with one another)
2. Emotional Fulfillment (this relates to emotional maturity, patience, and nurturing support)
3. Mental Fulfillment (this includes creative, intellectual, and/or verbal stimulation)
4. Physical Fulfillment (this includes physical connection such as holding hands, kissing, hugging, and cuddling along with romantic embracing and sexual connections)
5. External Fulfillment (this includes social and familial relationships, finances, and material possessions that you may share with one another)
These are the 5 areas of your life in which you must feel inspired by your partner for your relationship to really be fulfilling and meaningful.
At the same time, these are the 5 areas of your partners life in which he/she must feel inspired by you for your relationship to really be fulfilling and meaningful.
The key to this method lies in which of these areas are your top three and which are the top 3 most important for your spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend.
So as we look at your left hand, you may feel that the three most important of these five areas are spiritual fulfillment as your number one, emotional fulfillment as your number two, and external fulfillment as your number three.
Now place your right hand in front of you, as this represents your partner. He/she also has his/her top three areas.
Your top three do not have to be the same as your partners top three for your relationship to thrive. However, you must be supporting your partners top three and he/she must be supporting your top three for your relationship to thrive and to be one of unconditional love and support, respect and inspiration. You both need to feel stimulated in those top three areas and must be willing to honour each others’ top three areas unconditionally, with love and kindness.
Although we shouldn’t “need” stimulation from anyone to feel fulfilled or whole, sometimes that is the only way that we can experience fulfillment.
Sometimes, and more often than not, it is the stimulation from others that reminds us who we really are… especially at those times when we are the least centered and grounded, when we need it the most.
If you are in a romantic relationship with someone who is not stimulating you spiritually, and spiritual fulfillment is the most important area of your life, or at least in your top three, you will always feel like you are lacking a connection with your partner.
If you are with someone who is not stimulating you mentally or intellectually, then you will feel like you have nothing to speak about, which will result in a feeling of disconnect.
If you are with someone who is not comfortable with themselves physically, or not willing to share their entire body with yours and vice versa along with every aspect of it, you will feel shut out and unfulfilled sexually.
Ideally, you want to be inspired by the person you are in romance with, and, hopefully, inspiring to him/her.
It is when we are stimulated in those top three areas that our walls come down, that we become softer, more confident, more supportive and more open. This is the essence of intimate communion. This is why if you feel really connected within you and with your partner, it wouldnt matter to you if your partner didnt put the toilet seat down or clean the toothpaste tube.
Ultimately there are three ways for you to experience a loving and unconditional relationship
1. You must find love in yourself first without needing to be loved by your partner and then be freely giving of love with your partner, or,
2. Attract a partner who is very willing to fulfill your top three areas, while you also fulfill his/hers, or
3. Be content with not being in a relationship, which means you would ultimately bring you back to number 1. anyway.
You can also use the following five questions to stimulate, invigorate and inspire your relationship:
1. What are the top three most important aspects of stimulation for you in your relationship?
2. What are the top three most important areas of stimulation for your partner? (don’t guess or think you know… ASK YOUR PARTNER!!!)
3. Are you willing to commit to a co-creative relationship with your partner that involves you loving him/her in those areas that are most important to him/her?
4. Can you be absolutely honest in sharing with your partner your needs and ultimate desires (which may include unspoken fantasies) in those three important areas for you?
5. What is one action you will take this week with your partner to honour each others most important #1 area?
These questions are especially useful if you are single. As a single person, these questions will be very helpful so that you don’t just settle for what comes to you. Instead these questions offer you the opportunity to determine what you truly desire in a relationship and what you are willing to give!
There is another beautiful saying, “love is not only experienced in gazing at each other, but rather in gazing forward together in the same direction.”
Until next time, may you experience inspiration in your relationship beyond what you have ever imagined and may you always feel the love that is here for you.
Have a great week and Be-Inspired!