Are you striving for personal and professional success and not reaching your goals? Do you feel you deserve success? Could it be that you feel guilty about something you did or did not do that is causing you to feel bad about yourself and sabotage all your efforts?
I am convinced that 99% of us are blocking our health, happiness, and success because we do not believe we deserve it. I learned about this common unconscious fear as I was counseling clients as a Marriage, Family Therapist. I was surprised to discover that this negative thought was preventing men, women, and children from reaching their goals.
When I assisted clients of all ages to overcome this major self-defeating thought, they were able to make the changes they desired.
I also know that we are all basically good, because clients who were not even caught doing something wrong still felt guilty, and punished themselves by sabotaging their success.
An example of this is Joan, a fifty-year-old woman, who made a lot of money and then lost it all. To help Joan, I guided her through the HART process (Holistic And Rapid Transformation). I asked her to close her eyes and say, “I can’t be successful, because ____,” and finish the sentence. Joan replied, “I can’t be successful, because I am bad.” I then said, “Go back the time you decided that you were bad.” Joan saw herself stealing money out of her parents’ cash register when she was ten years old. No one caught her, but she still felt guilty, and she was punishing herself forty years later.
I then asked Joan to imagine that her parents were there in the store and to speak to them. She said, “Mom and Dad, I am really sorry. Please forgive me.” Then Joan imagined that they were forgiving her and she forgave herself. At that point, she sighed with relief and said, “Wow! I have been carrying that around for a long time.”
We can feel guilty about anything no matter how long ago it happened. It is important to become aware of anything we believe was wrong. Then we can stop punishing ourselves by letting it go with forgiveness.
Another example of this fear of success is the case of a seventeen-year-old athlete. Rick was doing very well in sports until he fell and severely hurt his knee. Rick realized that when his parents spanked him as a young child he had decided that he must be a bad person. Therefore, Rick concluded that he did not deserve to be successful.
I have found that men or women, who leave a relationship or other commitment, very often feel guilty. Jim, a thirty-six-year-old man, had left his wife and children two years ago. He was still feeling depressed and unhappy in his work and new relationship.
To assist Jim, I asked him to close his eyes and imagine that he was a judge in a courtroom. He was looking at an image of himself as the prisoner, who was up for parole. I said, “Judge, tell the prisoner what he did wrong and what his sentence should be.” Jim replied, “You are a terrible person. You left your wife and children. I am sentencing you to a lifetime of misery!”
I continued, “Okay, Jim. Send him back to prison for life.” But then the judge answered, “No! I want you to have three more years of pain.” “All right,” I said. Then the judge Jim continued, “No. Today is Jim’s birthday. He has suffered enough. Prisoner Jim, you are free to go and be happy,”
This empowering process assisted Jim to let go of his guilt, leave his self-made prison, and go on with his life. That is what we all need to do. Only then can we believe that we deserve success and happiness. Only then can we allow ourselves to reach our goals. The truth is you deserve health, happiness, and success. Go for it!