For some reason, we are often afraid of the unknown. We will stay in an unfulfilling home, job, or relationship, because we know how it is. It is familiar. We do not know what will happen if we make a change. One client once said, “I would rather be safe than satisfied.” Can you relate to that?
I learned about the fear of the unknown, when I was counseling clients as a Marriage, Family Therapist. I was surprised to discover that this unconscious fear was keeping people stuck in unhappy situations. When I assisted clients of all ages to overcome their self-defeating negative thought, they were able to make the changes they desired.
An example of this fear of success is the story of Bill, a forty-two-year-old parole officer. He complained that he was burned-out and wanted to quit his job. However, Bill was afraid to leave it for something he really wanted to do. I helped Bill with a process I call HART (Holistic And Rapid Transformation). I asked the parole officer to close his eyes, and see an image of himself many years from now still working at the job he was afraid to leave. Bill visualized an unhappy and very tired looking man. I then asked Bill what he wanted to say to that image of his future self. Bill replied, “I wish you had the courage to leave that miserable job and do what you really wanted.”
Then I asked Bill what he wanted to do now. He responded, “I want to leave my job and pursue another career and I am going to do just that!” I continued, “Even though you are scared?” “Yes,” Bill said with a calm and certain voice, “Even though I am scared.”
I continued to guide Bill to imagine himself in the future doing what he loved. He visualized himself in his new career looking happy and fulfilled. Bill now had the courage to leave his job and follow his heart.
Often we need to be in a lot of pain before we are willing to move on. Sometimes the death of a loved one, a divorce, a birthday, or a severe illness awakens us so that we can see the light-see our true desires.
I woke up on my 30th birthday and realized how unhappy I was with my life. I said to myself, “Helene, you have suffered enough. You are not going to spend the next thirty years like the last thirty.” That was when I began to grow, take risks, and create what I wanted in my life. That was when I made a commitment to be me, to be happy, and to feel good.
I can not make that commitment for you. I am not that powerful and no one else is either. Only you can make that decision.
In order to have what you want in your life, I suggest that you say to yourself, “I am tired of being in pain and suffering. I do not want to settle anymore. I am ready to move on, even though I am scared of the unknown. Success and happiness are what I really want.” When you make that commitment to yourself, and visualize or imagine your future the way you desire it to be, you are likely to start noticing positive changes in your life. You deserve to be happy and fulfilled. Go for it!