During my intake procedure with new clients, I love to hear “I think my spouse knows me better than I know myself.” This lets me know that their life partner is willing to spend an enormous amount of time and an intense effort to get to know and fall in love with them. Secondly, I can see that my new client has some self-discovery work in store.
I’ve observed over the course of my career in business and executive coaching that there are those who become successful and those who don’t. I’ve learned that the strongest leaders, savviest business executives and most effective parents have taken the time to get to know who they are at their core.
After all, how can you motivate another to do anything if you first don’t know what makes you act, think and process information in the manner which you choose? Because I was asked to contribute to a new ‘relationships” book (A Guide to Getting It: Vibrant & Lasting Relationships) my topic came easily. I set out to write a chapter on how to enhance one’s intimate relationship with himself or herself.
I wanted to gain all aspects about this subject, and in interviewing numerous individuals, I could see that to get to understand yourself on an intimate level, you might just as well fall in love with yourself. Those parents who told us not to ‘toot our own horn’ as we were growing up are rolling in their graves with this notion.
If you think of the pure concept of falling in love and take yourself out of it, the process comes more easily. First there is attraction, then curiosity, eagerness to spend time with the other person to learn more about them and your energy is ignited.
Why not start your year with this theme of falling in love with yourself? If you accomplish this simple goal, how will you be different one year from this very moment? Happier, more fulfilled? Certainly more successful, effective and alive!
Begin with the concept of attraction. Study yourself to see what others find wonderful about you. Look at those strong expressive eyes, well-earned laugh lines, and genuine smile. What draws you in to this person? What questions do you have? What motivates you to learn more?
Bring that supercharged energy of falling in love and curiosity to life. Drop your self-judgment and criticism. Replace it with a brand new sense of curiosity. It may look like this: “Isn’t it fascinating that I think this way, act this way, like this and dislike that?”
Next, write your own script. How do you create falling in love? Do you go snowshoeing, skiing, to movies, for long walks? Do you put on your favorite music, cook luscious meals and stay inside? Map out the activities you’ll do this year to create a stronger more intimate relationship with “you.”
Be the one individual who knows ‘you’ better than anyone else. Enjoy falling in love for the first time – with you!