Are you socially confident? Or does a fear that you might get rejected by somebody hold you back?
People who have social confidence arent bothered too much by getting rejected by somebody. For socially confident people who get rejected, there may be a momentary sting of emotional pain, but the fear of rejection doesnt cloud their whole lives. Socially confident people don’t hold back because somebody, somewhere might someday reject them.
When socially confident people get rejected, they are quite likely to blame the other person. They will rarely blame themselves.
People who lack social confidence will react very differently to rejection. People who dont have confidence in themselves will often assume that any rejection must be 100% their own fault. They are convinced that they got rejected because they are flawed. It doesnt occur to them that perhaps the rejection occurred because the other person is a shallow jerk.
A person who isnt socially confident may wonder how it is that some other people are able to approach others easily, make conversation, make new friends, and ask people out on dates.
There are several possible reason why some people are much more socially confident than others. Its possible that some people are simply born more confident. Others may have soaked up a lot of confidence while growing up in emotionally healthy families. Some may have learned by trial and error how to approach other people socially and overcome their fear of rejection.
What if you werent lucky enough to have been born confident? What if you are much more shy or insecure? What if you grew up in an environment where you didnt feel much loved or appreciated? These kinds of things can make you feel unsure about your self and make you much more fearful of being rejected by others.
However, you can still learn to overcome your lack of self confidence. You can learn to get over your fear of being rejected. You can learn to be much more socially outgoing.
It wont necessarily come easily, and you will have to practice your new behaviors a lot. You will also have to change some of your thinking habits so that you arent always thinking that other people are rejecting you.
Why is it worth making an effort to get over a deep fear of rejection? Remember that everybody gets rejected by someone on occasion. Getting rejected is part of being human. It happens to everybody. Even popular, successful, good looking people get rejected sometimes.
Its also human to want to be a part of a community, to have friends, to have family, to have close intimate relationships with loved ones. All that can be out of reach if you let your fear of rejection run your life.
Although trying to overcome a fear of rejection can be a scary process, the results can be worth it. Remind yourself why you want to overcome a fear of rejection.
If you have a really serious fear of being rejected, especially if you also grew up with a lot of abuse or neglect in your background, your best course of action might be to get some counseling from a trained professional who has successfully helped other people with this problem.
If you think your fear of rejection is not very severe, you may be able to overcome this fear by going outside your comfort zone.
Start out with baby steps. Approach a few people you think might already like you, and try to spend more time with them. Talk to them more often, and ask them to join you for short informal occasions such as coffee.
Look for further signs of receptiveness and if you think they might be interested in spending more time with you, ask them to join you on a more important social occasion.
If someone does reject you, watch what you say to yourself. Dont make yourself feel worse by saying cruel things to yourself. Give yourself lots of support and lots of credit for trying to overcome your fears.
The more often you approach others socially, the easier it will eventually be.