I’ve never been the type of woman to worry about the calories in the glue of an envelope and I’m convinced that the gates of heaven are definitely wide enough to accommodate the widest hip girth.
But lately, it’s my marriage that has started to feel a bit pudgy. It’s nothing that appeared abruptly, like the extra few pounds the morning after Thanksgiving dinner at your mothers. This extra girth in my marriage is more vague.
Have you ever caught your reflection in a shop window as you pass by and for a split-second, wonder who that middle-aged woman is? The thought annexed to that one is “When did I turn into her?” I know, it’s so pathetic, but my extra marital weight is more like that sensation.
Maybe I can describe a few “weighty” instances.My husband had many charming qualities and on top of that, he’s very charming.But the very things that others view as cute-his odd stances on inflammatory topics, his thinking that the posted speed limit is the slowest you are allowed to go,his projectile cheering at our sons’ soccer games-are the very things that make me want to build a panic room in our basement.
Don’t get me wrong, we still have some good conversations, some as long as 10 to 15 seconds.And I guess I could play it down and just go pull some weeds, funneling my energy to the back yard like I’ve done for the past decade.Being disgruntled pulls weeds like no one’s business.
But ,if you are like me, and would like to whip your marriage back into shape, weeding the yard won’t be enough.What my husband and I both needed and have benefited from(even though he wasn’t fully on board to begin with)was this fitness program that we undertook together to get fit AND work on aspects of our relationship at the same time.
I am a fitness trainer by profession, so I knew what needed to be done physically, but what I craved was to tone up my marriage. I also in my heart believe that people tend to turn into what we think we are and recently I’ve been channeling my mother’s voice as I talk to my own husband.
And even worse, when my husband talks to me in a certain tone of voice over his half-glasses, I swear I can hear Dad’s voice barking at, not my mother, but me! I hanker for that newlywed feeling from long ago and I suspect others do too.
We started taking twenty minute walks with the dog in the evenings three times a week, dedicating those minutes to different topics that were hot spots for us; communication one week, resolving conflicts the next week, followed by other topics where we are stuck, like showing gratitude and meeting each other’s needs-you get the point.
Within two weeks, we were excited to see each toher when we got home! By the end of the third week, we’d tackled some more serious stumbling blocks, like how I react when I don’t get my way, or how his tailgating makes me bark because I am nervous.
We were actually resolving issues That we’d both endured with gritted teeth for the past decade. As my husband surprised me with a short, sweet note on the bathroom mirror last week,I realized that I was ready to weigh in again on the marital scales. I sure felt like this marriage fit A LOT better, more like my favorite jeans did when I first bought them.Not to mention that our sex life was no longer verging on the theoretical.
We have three more sessions to cover on our fitness walks and by then,I intend to be in fighting condition. Luckily, with our marriage in such “great shape”, fighting will be a thing of the past.