You’ve been seeing a man for quite some time.
In the beginning, everything was great. You got along well. You thought you were headed for marriage.
But now things are different. Life has happened.
Once the sex was great. Now he says he’s not that into you, but wants to remain friends. (Yet he still holds your hand when you go to the movies.)
Or he was healthy and now he’s sick. And you’ve moved in with him to become his caregiver (without a commitment.)
Or your career is thriving while he’s lost his job or is still figuring out what he wants to do (and you are losing respect.)
You had a great thing. You did your part. You still love him.
But it’s not the same. And now you question if it ever will be.
Do you stay or do you go?
Here are some questions to ask yourself as you decide:
1. What’s the Cost?
What is the cost of staying with your man regardless of how good it was in the beginning?
If you are interested in a man who has stopped being interested in you romantically, you are incompatible. He wants a friendship.
You want a romance. You are not in agreement.
If he is not interested in you sexually, you will not change his mind no matter how much you want to or how hard you work.
You can stay in a sexless relationship only if you don’t want sex. Period.
Otherwise, it will be too hard. You will feel too bad about yourself. If he is not interested in you, it’s not about you…it’s about him.
The cost of staying in a sexless relationship is a very high price to pay. Too high.
You are worth more. You are worth being with a man who values and cherishes you.
If he doesn’t, it’s time to go. (You can make other friends.)
2. What are Your Options?
You always have choices. Sometimes they may not seem desirable, but you always have options.
When life happens in your relationship…he gets sick, loses his job or his interest…ask yourself, “What is Plan B?”
For example, if you find yourself in a caregiver role without a marriage proposal, the best thing to do is have a conversation.
You want to know where he stands.
Ask him what his long-range plan is and if it includes marriage.
(Don’t ask him to marry you. That’s his job. If he wants you, he will tell you.)
Once you know what your options are, ask yourself, “Where do I want to spend my time and energy?”
If he wants to marry you and you want to be with him, great. If not, time to go.
3. Where’s the Value?
There is a price to pay for every decision, so make a value-based choice.
What does he have to offer? Will your life be better with him or without him?
If he lost a job or is temporarily unemployed, are you willing to take a risk on him and the relationship?
Remember: Relationships are built through the tough times. You build through resolving challenges, working together and gaining understanding. And the payoff can be huge. You can end up with a deeply satisfying romantic relationship (with or without marriage.)
But sometimes relationships can be a drain. The more you invest, the less the return.
If this is the case, it’s absolutely time to go.
Your best investment is in yourself. Stay as long as you can stay (or until the lesson is learned) and leave when it’s time to go.
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