One of the many reasons why people lose confidence and power in dealing with people is because they are too overly concerned with what other people think. They feel they wont be liked if they said what was on their mind. What they are really saying is that they are trying to avoid conflict, when the conflict is the exact learning experience they need to provide the growth, knowledge and confidence for dealing with people in the first place.
Conflict management or managing the conflict of ideas and thoughts between two or more people can be an incredible learning experience for everyone involved, so much information is revealed in these intense periods that if we can learn to keep our integrity in tack during these short bursts of emotion, common ground can be quickly found.
However, if your confidence and power in dealing with people is somewhat watery at best, here are three tips to clarify your thinking and get you back on track.
1. What Do You Want Confidence And Power For?
We interact with different people on a daily basis, we need co-operation from these people because we know we cannot do it alone, we expect a certain amount of reciprocal behaviour to get to where we want to be, so it would be beneficial to know what our motives are for persuading people over to our way of thinking?
2. What Is Your Attitude Towards Conflict?
True self-confidence is developed from the act of carrying out a successful task that has an element of personal risk or challenge. Confidence is also about disagreeing or saying no without feeling guilty in situations where we have strong opinions, to stand up for one-self so to speak. So if someone violates your space in some way, do you take the courage or confidence to take responsibility for the situation and speak up or do you just let it go again?
3. Preparation Is The Key
One of the key secrets to real confident behaviour is preparation, look at the words you are habitually using and prepare your speech in advance. Learn to be speak with authority, maybe even take a few singing lessons to develop vocal power. Develop a mental picture of your successful self, speaking confidently with the desired outcome.
Dealing with people effectively is a skill that can be learnt and developed over time, at some point, you will have to get started, you will have go up to someone and say your piece, even if you stand their dumb struck and your face turns crimson with embarrassment, the first step has to be taken. If you feel nervous or shaky about doing this, you need to feel the fear and do it anyway, if its on your mind, the time will come when you will have to act, go in, do it with the expectation you are going to get it all wrong, but it is never as bad as you think it is going to be. One thing is for sure, conflict is a learning experience, you will learn more about confidence in one session than a lifetime of reading books or articles on the subject.
Remember, confidence is an attitude, a skill set that is learnt and developed through application, a state of mind that can be achieved through deliberate consistent actions. You might be naturally shy or quiet and think real confidence is beyond you, but personal confidence can be one of your greatest assets. Learn to believe in yourself and your abilities, it is not easy, you will only gain power and the mental toughness needed through struggle, there is no short cut. You will only learn and grow through the challenge of getting started.
Make no mistake, to act with deliberate intention and say what needs to be said will require consistent effort on your part, you must rehearse what needs to be said, like a musician performing a great song, they had to rehearse once upon a time. Great speeches or monologues are not winged, there is always great preparation that is goes unseen, which can give you the misconception of they were born that way, when this is in fact, far from the truth.