Denial 101 in the relationship kind.

DENIAL.

Why do women and men in general do this? The truth is always standing there right in front of our faces. We choose to see what we want to see. Our intuitions are usually correct, although maybe read wrong at times. We are blinded by the obvious. We just turn our heads in the hope that things will change. Well, let me tell you something they never do. The old and the new games are always the same. Right here is a game free zone, if you want to play a game go get some damn checkers, cause whatever game that’s played I can guarantee you, I will win it. I’m tired of men saying they are a “good guy”. Women say the same, “I’m not like that”. Honey, when you hear that, run like hell! Cause I’m here to tell you, that right there is BULLSHIT! They will tell you everything you want to hear and then some. Believe nothing or hammer it back, “When you prove it, I will believe it!” 89% of the time they won’t. AND please please don’t lower your standards cause when you do, you get exactly what you lowered yourself too..SHIT. Raise them standards up high and don’t settle for less, when you know you deserve better.

Another thing when you’re not happy in a relationship, why stay in it? Eventually, you will get tired of it enough that it depletes you, and it tears at your psyche. What will be left? Nothing but a broken shell and months or years putting yourself back together. There is no superglue on board here. If you think that you need it then gather them pieces up one by one and surround yourself with friends and family. They have always been there for you from the beginning, and were probably right all along. You just didn’t want to believe it. You probably have been ignoring them anyway. We all have done it, but make sure it never happens again. Men and women come and go but friends and family are there forever.

Maybe it’s the idea of having someone or not being by yourself that keeps you in an unfulfilled, unhappy, unsatisfied relationship. At that point you need to stop and ask yourself, “Is it really worth it?” Hell no it isn’t! You may be surprised at your answer. Why be miserable? If you have too, go get yourself a little piece of paper and write yourself a chart. Here, I’ll tell you what to do; grab your pen and write at the top towards the left side “PROS”. Now on the right side write “CONS”. You can now underline that if you want to be fancy. Go ahead and put a line down the middle of those two words. That right there is a chart. Go ahead and write under “PROS” everything good about him or her. Be honest and true with one self also, oh and don’t be too petty. Not everyone is perfect and we are human after all. Ok when you’re done write down all the “CONS” about him or her, everything bad. Yeah, this will probably take longer, and again don’t be petty. Now when you’re done, put your pen down and read them. I’m sure you will be amazed. One last thing, read over your “CONS” again, I want you to erase one, cause I know your asses put something petty down. If HE or SHE is beating your ass or putting you down, oh hells no, that’s not petty, count that shit as 10 on the CONS. Does your CONS largely out weigh your PROS? If so then you know what you have to do! It’s right there staring in front of your freakin faces. DON’T be blindsided and ignore it, like you know you have. Put that shit up on the refrigerator! Post it where needed, too remind yourself. Then, MOVE THE HELL ON! You can be miserable by yourself. You don’t need a man or woman to complete you, if it’s not right it will deplete you. Don’t ever feel stuck! There is always a way out. Don’t waste a minutes more energy on it.RUN! Go!

Now back to the chart for those that may have like four or so CONS past your PROS, ok we’ll give it five for old times sake. Now, that right there is most likely workable or changeable. Don’t give up, and be honest with whomever you are with, and tell them what’s really bothering you. Don’t be scared, chances are they are too. Relationships are hard work, if BOTH of you are putting forth the effort, and I’m not saying no 70/30. I mean equal 50/50. I have learned from the past if you don’t say anything it will eat you up inside, and if you wait too long you will drown in it. That will never turn out good, and it hasn’t.

Don’t ever let someone treat you bad or belittle you. YOU ARE WORTH SO MUCH MORE!

If you have too, go look in a damn mirror and say it as many times as you need too, until your ass believes it!

You may ask yourself how I have become an expert in this? “A woman that’s longest relationship in years was months?” I’m Not! Well, lets just say I have learned from my mistakes in the past. I know what I have done wrong, Do you? I know what I have to work on. Do you? I also know what has been done wrong to me. I know there is a viscous circle that I keep on putting myself in, by making the same mistakes and or their same mistakes that I allowed.

I was in a long-term relationship with my children’s father, where I myself felt like I was stuck .I wasn’t happy. I choose to ignore signs. I allowed myself to be crumbled down to rock bottom of the barrel until I lost myself. I purposely lost my friends, because I was too embarrassed to let them know I was in a broken-down relationship as it was. Oh I thought I was in love, when the only thing I was in love with was the thought of ” being in love”. Well, also the fear of being a “single parent” then I reminded myself, I was a single parent anyway with him. It took a very long time for me to find myself again after being in a very bad situation. As fate would have it, fate took care of it. “May God Rest his Soul”. Sometimes things happen for a reason, and sometimes things aren’t always as they seem, usually the latter.

Take anything you may have learned and use it wisely. If you don’t get anything out of itÂ…so be it. Just consider this to be a good read, and keep on being miserable. If so happens that you are happy, well then hold on to that for everything it’s worth. They truly are a keeper.

I have seen friends, family, and myself go through viscous cycles with the wrong guys and women. How will you know? You may think. Trust me deep down inside you know! Just trust that inner voice or that feeling and walk on or walk out, because the trials and tribulations it takes to find that out is not worth it in the long wrong run. Don’t run back for more, no matter how good the sex is. : ) Cause there will always be better. Plus, if you do you’re just opening yourself up for more heartache and pain. Don’t be a glutton for punishment. Oh yeah, they may woo you and you may believe it for a hot minute or two. Just remember what got you there in the first place and chuck that shit up as THEIR loss!

If your sad just remember he or she is not worth your tears! So cry no more! Stand up with your head held high, brush off your shoulder and move on. BUT don’t leave without anything! Take everything you learned from that relationship and bring it to the next. That way you will know your mistakes, and what to look for when they make theirs. Play the fool no more and maybe that time you will be successfully happy and fulfilled. Good Luck