Copyright 2006 Helene Rothschild
Are you finding that no matter how hard you try, you are not reaching your goals? Are you ready to enjoy a loving relationship, a successful career, a healthy and trim body, and prosperity?
Then close your eyes and imagine that you are in a beautiful air balloon ready to take off, to have what you want in your life. Now look towards the ground and notice if there are any ropes holding you down, stopping you from being free to fly. In order to move on in your life, it is necessary to cut those ropes–to overcome not your fears of failure but your fears of success.
You may be as surprised as I was when I first discovered the fear of success. It seems illogical to push away the very things we desire. However, my very first client opened my eyes to this fascinating phenomenon. In her counseling session, Betty told me that she desperately wanted her boyfriend to ask her to marry him. I have a favorite saying, “Close your eyes and see clearly”. So I said, “Betty, close your eyes and imagine that your boyfriend is proposing. How do you feel?” Betty replied, “Terrified!” There it was– the first of many of my clues of the insidious fear of success.
John wanted to become president of his company. But he felt scared when he visualized himself in that position. John was unaware that unconsciously he was afraid of the responsibility that comes with that role. The part of John that was afraid was sabotaging him from moving on in his career.
After working with many clients, I am convinced that we are very powerful. I never had to assist people to become successful. All I needed to do was to help them with a unique process I developed, HART: Holistic And Rapid Transformation, to be aware of and overcome their unconscious fears, and then they effortlessly fulfilled their dreams. When I assisted them to cut the ropes that were tying them down, they suddenly met their perfect mate, or were offered the job or promotion they were seeking. For the first time in their lives, they found losing weight to be effortless. They healed their bodies, and allowed themselves to receive the money they needed. They were able to let go of their addictions and take control of their lives.
We are unique, but our problems are not. See if you recognize any of your fears, your blocks to success, so that you can overcome them and experience the exhilaration of flying free in your air balloon.
The “SEVEN FEARS OF SUCCESS” are:
1. Fear of the unknown. “I don’t know what it would be like to be in a loving relationship or successful career.”
2. Fear that success doesn’t fit your self image. “What’s a poor girl from Brooklyn doing in an exclusive social club in California?”
3. Fear that people will not like you if you are successful. “If I’m successful in my career, no man will want me.”
4. Fear that you don’t deserve success. “I feel guilty because I once stole money from my parents.”
5. Fear that success has a scary consequence.”If I get the promotion, I won’t have enough time to spend with my family.”
6. Fear that your parents won’t love you if you’re more successful than they are. “I don’t want my father to feel bad.”
7. Fear that to be successful is to fulfill your parents’ wishes. I’m angry at them for not showing me enough attention when I was a kid. I’ll show them. I won’t have a successful career.”
To my amazement, these last two fears concerning the parents kept coming up in the office, even though sometimes Mom and Dad were deceased for many years.
Our fears, like all of our emotions, can be very irrational. However, they are still very real and definitely affect our lives. Most people think they are struggling with the fear of failure, which I have found to be only the top of the iceberg. The unconscious fear of success is at the bottom, the part we don’t see that hurts us the most.
The fear of success comes up very often in relationships. We meet someone special and we start getting close, too close. Suddenly we begin finding fault with each other. “Her nose is too big. He’s too short.” We become demanding and start arguments. We make commitments and break them. We drive each other crazy. We say, “Come close, I want to love you and share my life with you. But stay away because I’m afraid. I’m afraid to be vulnerable and feel hurt. I’m afraid I don’t deserve to be happy. I’m afraid I’m unlovable.”
When you dare to reach your goals and are ready to enjoy good health, fulfilling relationships, and success in all areas of your life, then identify and overcome any fears that are blocking you from reaching your goals.
One effective exercise is to clarify your goal and then write, I cant (and also wont) ___ (fill in your goal) because ___ (fill in your negative thought). You have all the answers inside of you. Then change all the negative thoughts to positive ones. Throw away the sheet with the fear based thoughts and focus on your positive ones.
You deserve it to be loved, happy, and fullfulled. Go for it!