Case Study: My Divorce

Pam had a major in Literature, Ned was into computer engineering, and I was getting ready to be a doctor. She was actually Ned’s friend. Ned was a nice guy otherwise, but he was too much of geek. He didn’t mean to neglect her, but his career was definitely his priority, and Pam would be bored when he would talk about exciting software on their far from exciting dates. No one was surprised Pam and I started seeing each other, and eventually got married after I started the practice.

The Prelude

Pam chats on the net, like all of us. That is where she met Ned again. He was heading a department at a big company, was totally satisfied with work, but missed her. Just out of curiosity, she met him on a Friday evening, when he came down to the school where she taught to pick her up. They had been having an affair for the past three months when she told me.

I was totally crushed at the news. I felt like a loser, a typical laughing stock. I shouted at Pam, and didn’t help at all because she was very understanding. But at the end of the day, she wanted to go away with another man. I was mad at Ned too, but it was meeting him that finally solved it for me. I had gone ready to fight out with him– I had always been the stronger guy. I found that Ned was a different man now, he seemed less of a computer freak, and he was openly in love with Pam. When I saw how happy they were together, I realised that I did not belong in their lives anymore. That night, I got drunk, and decided that we should go through the divorce – since it was the only way out for all of us.

Going About the Process

All three of us were calmer after that day. I could fight it out if I wanted, but I knew I wouldn’t. It wasn’t for the money; I just felt that dragging this to court would be useless. We started by reading up on the net. There is a lot of information on divorce out there, and most of it is written in pretty clear, jargon-free English. In about two weeks, we had agreed about how we would go about the separation, and wanted to file for a no-faults divorce. I would serve the papers, on grounds of ‘unreasonable behaviour’. There was no need to complicate it. I must admit that I was often too upset to bother whether they felt hurt at my outbursts. Looking back, I realise that Pam and Ned were both very supportive.

Pam would be shifting in with Ned, but she wanted to take the computer along, and I didn’t mind. I hated the sight of it, since it had started all this pain for me. We were a bit undecided about the car, but then I decided to keep it after Ned said he didn’t have enough space at his garage for another car. Next, we sat down to divide our finances. This was not so easy, since we had a lot of joint bank accounts, a couple of shares, and both of us had bought a few policies. This was when we decided that we would go in for a package offered by one of the reputed legal firms. It was priced very competitively, and was mostly DIY, and we would be downloading all the forms after the payment. They would advise us for free about filling them up – which is exactly how it went. But we had chosen a package where the next part would include consultation with a lawyer in person. We had done basically to get the finances cleared out, but it was a great help in other ways too. The lawyer was an experienced, sympathetic, but non-inquisitive man. He was very thorough with the legalities, and pointed out that we would both have to rewrite our wills too. This was a very important point, and we would have overlooked it completely if we did not sit down with him.

After Divorce

Two months later, we were no more man and wife, our wills were in order, and, unbelievable but true, we were all friends. I am rebuilding life still, and I am not yet ready for love yet, but I am beginning to hope again.