Behavior Modification

Behavior Modification just like behavior management & Anger Management is a misnomer. Humans, as you would expect, resist being modified or managed. Men and women are just like springs: the more you push the more they resist. The best tactic is Self Modification as a form in a Manualized Cognitive Restructuring Workbook. Cognitive Restructuring if done correctly has the gift to go deep and fix flawed thinking errors and self demeaning behaviors. The following is an example of a cognitive restructuring text.

Amy lived in fear of Cord. She couldn’t do right around him. He boasted powerful muscles and if he ever he lost his temper in irate anger, his fist became a deadly weapon that might slay her in a single blow. Her 128lb body was very little defense.

Amy came between him and his sexual fantasies and longing for other females. Consequently he would trigger in her the exact behavior that he upset him so that he could excuse his belligerent actions. He was deeply self deceived and believed all their troubles were her fault. He was frequently concentrating on her deficiencies while the truth was that she was a loyal, skilled, educated woman and loving mom.

Amy joined numerous other women and men caught up in the haze of violence, unwanted existence of fear, worry and uncertainty. Unlike abuse by a stranger, tough bonds of attachment and involuntary brainwashing keep the abused completely connected to the abuser in an on going ritual of abuse.

Domestic violence is a systemic disease �� that is, it’s fixed in one�s life. It creates numerous symptoms but, unless the disorder is eradicated, the symptoms will continue.

1. What are some of the symptoms or outward signs of domestic violence? _____________________________

2. How come domestic violence is more emotionally hurtful than abuse by a stranger? ___________________________

3. How did Amy overcome her disease? ____________________________________________________________

4. What happens when her and people similar to her don�t permanently cut the ties through full separation but stay attached to their abuser? ___________________________________________________________

5. Severing relationships can be upsetting and painful. Why is it wrong to judge men and women who continue on in abusive relationships? __________________________________

The abused really need encouragement and support, not disdain. T or F?

6. How do you successfully sever the strong emotional ties of an abusive marriage? ________________________________________


To comprehend the deep gulf of domestic violence, a person has to comprehend the high that one gets through interdependency, where the man and the woman have their hierarchy of emotional and physical needs fulfilled. Meeting someone’s Hierarchy of Physical needs – air, water, food, clothing, shelter � is not too hard, but meeting someone’s emotional needs is another question. Take the following test:

Using a scale from 1-5, rate your marriage in the last two years.

� Need to be loved – I felt a deep love from my partner; He/She was always there for me.

� Need to be validated � I was encouraged and praised by my partner. He/She made me feel like a good person.

� Need to be affirmed � My partner made me feel important; I made a difference in his/her life.

� Need to be understood � My partner listened to me; What I said was understood.

� Need to be appreciated – My partner really appreciated all that I did for him/her.

� Need to be secure � I had a home; I felt safe and secure in my environment.


Excellent: 30-24

Problem: 23-17

Harmful: 16-6

7. What was your score? ____ Which bracket (excellent/problem/harmful) did you fall into? _________ What does it mean? Does anything need to change?_______________

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