A few days ago I was giving a Teleseminar to the staff at a realty company. Our topic was communication and I began the second class by asking,
How many of you made yourselves up brand new this morning?
No one answered. So, I explained that every day we have the opportunity to begin again, to begin anew. There is no necessity to bring the pains, hurts, disappointments or regrets of the past into today, yet, millions of people drag them around as if they were precious.
And, they are precious. They make up the story we tell others about who we are. They also make up the story we reinforce to ourselves about who we are and why we are that way. Each re-telling makes the story more entrenched. We even believe it although it may be fraught with limitations.
Whats the story youre telling? Do you haul out the he done me wrongs, if onlys and the aint it awfuls for company? Do you call it letting people in, letting them get close? Sure, if you are planning on marrying the person, or they happen to be a medical professional, it might make sense to repeat the history. For yourself, it is destructive. Every retelling affects you on the cellular level similarly to the initial incident. Why would you hurt yourself that way?
Similarly, maybe one day you made a mistake. We all do it. Its quite human. Yet, we can beat ourselves up over it for a lifetime. It becomes the story we tell ourselves and, it keeps us small. Guilty is a verdict, not a feeling. Thats my opinion. Guilty says you did something. You committed an act or voiced an opinion. Thats it. If you made a poor choice, simply dont make it again.
Making a mistake does not make you a bad person. Making the mistake into a whip you use on a weekly basis is simply masochistic. Allowing others to persist in whipping up your past is unacceptable, too.
People have a vested interest in thinking they know who you are. It makes them feel safe when they can put you in a box and expect you to stay there. For their own safety and comfort, they want you to stay in the box. They want you to be who you have always been so that they know what to do. Have you ever had a person close to you say,
What do you mean you want to go to Europe? You do not enjoy travel.
Whoa! Today, Im brand new and I am embracing the idea of going to Europe. Ive changed. Im ready to try something new.
That can ring fear into the hearts of those who think they have you pegged. Dont be surprised if they bring you clippings about air and sea disasters sometime soon.
THE GOOD NEWS
Today is a new day. You are a new you. Be who you want to be today.
Step up and do something youve wanted to do.
Try something new.
Use new language.
Take a different route to work.
Wear something out of your usual style or, at least, try it on.
Be kinder to yourself.
Decide to experience more joy and get on with it.
Smile at every single person you meet.
Consider a new career.
Examine your relationships and find what makes you happy.
Move away from what does not.
Keep your promises to yourself.
Take time for yourself.
Step out and be true to yourself.
Shake off the past. It is gone. Stop telling sad, tragic, painful stories from the pastparticularly stop telling them to yourself because you are always listening and taking the body blows you are dishing out.
Be brand new today and every day until you are who you most want to be and feel so good about yourself that youre unstoppable!
Be an inner winner because thats where it starts. You are the only one who can change your life and you cannot do it any younger! Make today a be new day and enjoy every moment!
© Rhoberta Shaler, PhD All rights reserved.