I receive emails daily from people who ask me for advice, people who share their comments about articles Ive written over the years and sometimes, I receive emails from people criticizing my point of view.Husband and wife arguing
All of which I am perfectly fine with.
But recently, I opened an email to find this shocking subject line, Your comment that Women dont leave great guys is horse***t.
Okay, I admit, Im reading closely now.
My comment, (actually my wife Marshas quote), Women dont leave great guys brought about a firestorm of reaction from this particular man. Ill call him Joe to protect his privacy.
Now I always try to keep in mind that there are two sides to every story. But this article apparently struck a nerve with Joe compelling him to describe to me exactly how and why he was a great guy to his wife and yet – how his wife repaid him by drinking and running up all kinds of debt.
As he put it, I was the great guy who did everything he could including working two jobs averaging 80 to 100 hours a week.
Joe then began driving his winning point home
Ive asked myself what I did wrong. It was being too forgiving, too understanding and too honest. (Larry,) please think more about the 5% of men who really are great guys before you write another book, he stated.
Well, I didnt write a book on this topic, but instead it was an article which you can find here:
Does a Cheating Wife Inevitably Lead To Divorce?
But I offer Joes point of view to you because it sheds some light on the big idea that I dont want you to miss.
When youre CONVINCED that you are good, that you are right, that youve been done wrong, and then make your case with no room to receive any other point of view, youve just risked going BLIND.
Thats right, blind.
We all know it as self righteousness.
It happens when youve been hurt so bad by someone you love, know or trust, that you become SO angry and you just cant see past your point of view.
But you can prevent this from happening before things get out of control.
The time to take a good, hard look at your marriage is NOW.
Look for the signs that your marriage is taking a turn for the worst.
And yes, although most spouses are completely shocked when their spouse tells them the marriage is over, there ARE several warning signs that should alert you to a serious problem in your relationship.
Here are 2 of these signs:
1. INTIMACY: Intimacy is the first place to look. When this starts going wrong, you know it because one person is complaining about it, resisting it or criticizing it. If you ignore these small signs and dont find a way to start talking about this important issue in a safe way the two of you can handle, the complaint gets buried and becomes fuel for resentment.
And thats when one spouse stops voicing their concerns and goes quiet. Not a good sign.
Which brings me to the next warning sign
2. TALKING: Another bad sign that your marriage is taking a turn for the worst is when the talking stops. When intimacy goes bad, that should wake you up, but when talking goes sour – that should be a rude awakening.
Intimacy and communication are the two most important components of a fulfilling marriage. Dont pretend theyre not important. They are.
I hope this blog post will cause you to take a second look at your marriage. Dont wait until its too late. Even if you think youre the perfect husband or wife, your spouse may think differently. And ultimately, thats what matters most.
So what if your friends agree that you treat your spouse like gold. Who cares if youre able to be the sole supporter of your family?
If you want a fulfilling marriage, BOTH of you need to identify, and then meet each others needs instead of being what YOU consider a good husband or a good wife.
Its your spouses perception of you that counts.
If your marriage is failing, instead of looking to blame your spouse for your marriage problems, look in the mirror and put yourself in your spouses shoes. Ask your spouse what criteria s/he defines as a good husband or wife.
What you find may surprise you.