Are you dating women in order to bring them more happiness and joy? Or mainly to bring yourself more happiness and joy? If it’s the latter, it’s going to be a tough uphill struggle. If perhaps its not for your own happiness and joy, but rather an attempt to satisfy your ego, then you’re setting off on the wrong path from the very start.
Many men learn how to get better with women in order to fill a black hole they feel inside themselves. Generally it’s an in-balance in other areas of their life, perhaps they don’t have as many friends as they would like, or they don’t get enough love and care from their parents. If you’re a guy like this, who feels incomplete at the moment, you’re going to need to plug this hole. Women desire a guy who’s life is complete without them, they want a guy who is stable, strong and does not need anything from them. If you ever feel you need something from a girl (whether that be sex, love and care, or more excitement), you’re not where you should be, for you won’t get very far if you need something from them. If you feel you want women in order to give them a better, more exciting life then you’re coming from the right location and going to go far.
Perhaps you just want to be better with women to show off to your mates how cool you are. This is a common occurrence I see in a lot of guys, they simply want validation from their friends that they are a cool guy, not some chode. Yet this validation is destructive in nature, for when you get that little ego boost, your ego becomes stronger, more powerful and in need of more and more validation. After a while when you start making out with girls in a club, eventually bringing some of them home, you will start to get ego inflation.
You can imagine ego inflation like filling a balloon. As you add more and more air to a balloon it expands, just like your ego as you receive more and more validation. But what happens when you remove some of that water again, say one hot girl isn’t interested in you and you don’t get the validation that your a cool fun guy? We’ll, the balloon contracts again and you feel that ping of loss, then you start to feel down and upset. Your game starts to suffer because of this ego deflation from the next girl seeing your deflated state and rejecting you, and so the vicious cycle continues.
It also starts to happen when you first go out for a night, if your ego is inflated you often feel you must do good this night, however due to the random nature of women this is rarely the case. As soon as the first girl rejects you, your night starts going bad, and you start the downhill roll.
This constant need to validation will continue forever unless you make a change to the way you see the world, for even the best guys with women will have some women not like them, its simply the nature of the game, and it ruins your night even more when you get to that level because you’re simply not used to being rejected or have a girl not like you.
Now if we remove the ego from the equation and start to meet women in order to provide them with a fun night out rather than satisfy your own desire for validation, you start to see that although you don’t get those slight emotional boosts, your skills constantly improve and you will gain enjoyment just being around women and having an exciting time with them. If you are there in order to impress girls and get them to respond to you, you won’t have nearly as much fun as if you are there to give them an amazing night out. Women with all their amazing intuition can also pick up on this, they know when you want to give them some entertainment, or if you’re there to simply receive validation and satisfy your own ego.
You’ll often find your friends are just as much validation seekers as you are. They also want to be thought of as cool, fun guys. Hence why they all group together in their own little secret society when out clubbing, instead of talking to the many beautiful girls all around them. Guys try and gain validation from other guys, even the leaders want their friends to laugh when they tell jokes and respond in different ways to different stimulus. So try acting differently around them next time you see them and observe what they do. If you start reacting differently (in fact not reacting at all is best), you will notice a shift in them as they try harder and harder to seek validation and response from you. Of course there are some guys out there who are so secure in themselves that they don’t seek or need validation and if you have friends like that, keep them, for they will be the ones who don’t put you down, or turn against you in order to satisfy their own ego.
Guys who don’t need validation are few and far between, women already know and can feel this. To silence your ego and turn off validation seeking requires hard work but the rewards are far worth it. Not only will you be able to freely talk to women at any time, anywhere and not care about rejection or humiliation, you will be free from needing to always look cool and be on top of your game, for it really doesn’t matter.