A No Nonsense Approach to a Passionate Relationship

When the weather turns cold and I have been out all-day long, there is nothing more comforting and inviting than walking into a room that has a roaring fire and the lights turned off. The sound of crackling wood and the flicker of the flames are like a magnet to my bones. Give me an easy chair, a hot cup of coffee or tea and a blanket and I am in gaga land. All the stress and problems of the day seem to slip off my shoulders. Now add my wife to my side with her head on my shoulder and forget it, as a matter of fact forget everything. Forget the bills, forget the yard work, forget the deadlines and forget just for a minute that we even have children. It is just her and I and a few minutes of heaven.

Moments like these are great but they don’t just happen, they are created. Someone has to create the atmosphere and in this case, someone had to start a fire. That’s right, someone had to gather, chop or buy and stack wood. If you have never chopped wood, let me tell you, the act of gathering and chopping wood is anything but attractive; it is work, hard work. You sweat, your hands get calloused and splintered and they get full of dirt and sap. No, gathering wood is not what I call a heavenly moment, but it is necessary if you want a fire, and I do mean a real fire. I know some of you are saying, “All I have to do is hit my remote and whoosh, my fireplace is lit”. I’ll give you that, but gas logs never create the same atmosphere as real wood; it’s the easy way out and not nearly as comforting. Besides, that is one of the greatest problems with relationships; everyone wants the easy way out, just flick a switch and get results. Remember that a microwave effort usually produces microwave results. “Hot on the outside and ice-cold on the inside!

Hot Relationships and Hot fires both take work. When working properly they both can bring warmth and comfort into your home, making it a cozy place to escape the harsh elements we often face outside, but they do take work. If you allow the fire to go out in the fireplace, the atmosphere will quickly turn cold and uninviting; and if you allow the passion to go out in your relationship, that atmosphere can turn cold and uninviting as well.

In order to maintain a steady degree of heat you must feed the fire regularly. Set aside weekly or at the minimum, bimonthly date nights. Sometimes a night away in a different environment will do wonders, even if it’s at a hotel around the corner from where you live. Go out to dinner, a movie, a walk in the park or just take a ride in the car with the radio off so you can talk with each other. Keep the cell phones off or at least screen the calls and only take emergencies. Send flowers or candy, leave love notes and words of encouragement in places only your loved ones go. Leave a message on the answering machine letting them know you love them. Remember the phone companies commercial from a few years ago? “I just called to say I love you.” It is still effective. Surprise them with lunch at work. Take an evening walk together; if you are like me you probably need the exercise anyway. Be creative. There are also plenty of resources online and in the books stores that can help you plan “Passionate Moments”.