1. Kill righteousness. The need to be right is a serious communication mistake couples make in their communication. In an argument, you cannot be certain you are right because I nearly guarantee you the other person thinks the same.
Stop believing your perception is accurate. Liberate yourself from righteousness in arguments and you’ll be surprised at how open another person becomes.
Good relationship communication comes from a curiosity to learn about another person’s perspectives. Your challenge today is to suspend judgment and to say to someone, “Tell me your side of the story because I could be wrong.” It can be scary to be wrong because your understanding of the world is reversed.
2. Question your assumptions. You can only question your assumptions once you kill righteousness.
If you’re like most people, a dangerous area you create assumptions in is during conflict. You may assume that when you went shopping after a fight, a family member would appreciate your kind action, but little do you know they interpreted it as avoidance.
I know in this example the other person assumes, but you have no control over this. Assuming someone understands your positive intentions behind an action, which hurt them, creates destructive conflict.
What do you assume about someone you’re communicating with? Paul Broca said, “The least questioned assumptions are often the most questionable.” Think about it. Powerful stuff.
3. Seek to understand before being understood. It is tempting to express what you want and need before you hear what another person wants and needs. The counterintuitive lesson of this is failing to understand this law of effective communication does not get you what you want.
It’s often when you understand another person in business, family, and life in general, does the person seek understand you. Kill your need to be right and question your assumptions while listening to understand another. Then you can express yourself and get your needs and wants met.
4. Create flexible behavior. Evolution states that what changes to its environment survives. You would not be here today if your ancestors failed to be flexible.
Create options. NLP states the more options you have, the healthier you are. What a life-changing reframe of health, habits, and happy-living! How healthy are you?
5. Observe filters. Better communication begins by observing the filters you use in your relationships. This law of effective communication skills is difficult to obey! Daniel Goleman, author of Emotional Intelligence, in his lesser known “Vital Lies, Simple Truths”, states that humans are masters of deception. You probably don’t even know you are deceiving yourself because your filters stop you from honest inner and outer communication.
Sun Tzu said, “War is based on deception.” Deception in your relationships comes from righteousness, assumptions, ignoring another, ignoring options, and filters the five laws of effective communication that kill relationships when ignored. Keep learning good communication skills and you’ll awaken from the blinding matrix you don’t even know you’re living with colleagues, family, and friends.