30 Ways to Resolve Upsets

Do you ever get upset? Welcome to the human race! It is very helpful to have some course of action so that you can overcome that negative feeling and feel good again. Unresolved upsets hurt you and the others involved.

As a Marriage, Family Therapist, I discovered some very effective ways to assist my clients. The following 30 guidelines for your personal and professional relationships can help you too.

I suggest that you read them before the upset occurs so that you are ready to resolve it quickly. Or, when you are upset, refer to the lists and they can help you.

When we have the insights and solutions, life can be so much more fun and enjoyable. You deserve to feel good and have healthy relationships. Go for it!

1. When I’m Upset


Be patient with me.

Know that I’m responsible for all my emotions.

Accept that my feelings are okay even though they may be irrational.

Wait until I’m calm before you approach me.

Ask me if I’m ready to talk about it.

Listen to me and try to understand the way I’m feeling.

Comfort me.

Help me overcome my fears and solve the problems.

Be kind and loving.

Encourage me to see the humor in the situation.

Thank you for caring. I love you! (Or care about you!)

2. When You’re Upset


Take responsibility for all your feelings.

Do something constructive to calm yourself down. For example, take a walk, listen to soothing music, or write about what happened.

Tell me when you are ready to discuss it.

Share with me your hurt, fear, or concerns.

Allow me to comfort you.

Know that you’re okay no matter what anyone says or does.

See what you can learn from the experience.

Explore ways to solve the problem.

Be able to laugh at the situation.

Congratulate yourself for dealing with your upset in a healthy way.

Thank you for hearing me. I love you! (Or care about you!)

3. When We’re Upset

Please let’s…

Avoid hurting each other or ourselves.

Separate and do something to calm ourselves down.

Realize that we are responsible for all our feelings and behavior.

Explore the fear or hurt that caused the upset.

Meet again when we are calm and clear about our feelings.

Share our perceptions of the event.

Listen to each other.

Apologize if we feel it is appropriate.

Solve the problem with a win-win solution.

Learn from our upset and become closer.

Thank you for hearing me.

I love you! (Or care about you!)