3 Empowering Tips for Surviving Feedback — the Good and the Bad

Copyright 2006 Cari Vollmer

Committed to changing your life? Congratulations! But don’t be surprised when people start offering you advice and opinions on what you should and should not do.

The following tips will help you navigate your way through the abundance of opinions you’re sure to face on your way to creating a life you love.

1. Feedback is always given through the eyes of the giver.

Have you ever noticed how some people state their opinion or give their feedback, as if they have all the answers?

To endure any kind of feedback, especially the unsolicited and unkind, one of the most empowering things you can do is ask the question:

Is the feedback being given based on fact, or personal opinion?

Feedback based on fact is inarguable. If you have blue eyes and someone states that you have blue eyes, there’s no wiggle room. The fact is, you do have blue eyes and anyone can tell by looking at you that you have blue eyes.

On the other hand, if someone states you have beautiful eyes, the door is wide open to interpretation. Some people may agree, you do have beautiful eyes. But there may be others who don’t like blue eyes, or blue eyes remind them of their ex so therefore, they disagree and will not find your blue eyes beautiful.

Most people speak as though their opinions are fact, when in fact their opinions are just that, an opinion.

Therefore, as you listen to feedback, remember to filter the feedback through one question:

Is this feedback based on fact, or personal opinion?

2. You get to decide how you’re going to receive it.

There’s a tip I learned a long time ago that has served me well. When someone offers me their feedback, I’ve learned I don’t have to accept it right away. Instead, I say thank you and tell them I’ll think about what they just said.

This will buy you time.

You don’t have to react to feedback in the moment. You can take your time and process the feedback slowly.

Let’s face it; good feedback is easier to swallow than bad. If you’re faced with harsh feedback DON’T react to it the moment it’s given. Rather, give yourself time to process the feedback when you’ve had a chance to calm down and become more objective.

Giving yourself time, will give you a chance to react to feedback from a place of power and caring for yourself.

3. You always get the final say.

O.K., so you got some feedback and gave yourself time to process it. Now what?

You get to decide whether or not you accept it.

You never have to agree with or accept the feedback that’s given to you – ever!

But, there may be times it would be wise to do so. If someone gives you feedback based on years of experience, then it may be wise to heed their advice. On the other hand, if someone gives you feedback but can’t really back up their feedback with supporting evidence, you may be dealing with more fluff than sturdy advice.

If you’re not sure whether to accept the feedback you’re given, ask the giver to tell you why they have the opinion they do. If their opinion is based on a successful past history dealing with a similar situation, you may want to listen. If it’s not, you may want to toss it out the window.

And don’t forget, no one will ever make better decisions for you than YOU! Therefore, listen to the advice of others but only keep what works for you and throw out the rest. Trust your wise inner self to lead you in the right direction and you’ll make the best decision for you in the long run.